Name: RX
Comment: As a single mother of 2 kids (in their 20s), divorced 18 yrs, I’ve had my share of relationships. Some good some not so good & some really bad. I got sick a few years ago; it took me 2yrs before I started working again. I’m a confident, positive, happy, spiritual woman who has been happily single. Yes, I would like to find Mr. Right to share life with but I refuse to settle for just anyone just to have a man in my life. I’m not that person. I’m not afraid of marriage again. I’ve simply not found the right one & the 2 I thought were, turned out not to be. 9months ago I meet 30 y/o man. He was definitely a surprise & snuck into my heart that I usually keep guarded. Let me clarify that comment by saying I am very loving, giving, caring & nurturing. I love to give/share LOVE and to making others smile. I’m not afraid of Love. I Love LOVE; am a romantic & big soft squishy inside. Tough outer exterior but sensitive emotionally. A few months into dating I find out some very upsetting information that would’ve split up many new relationships. We worked through it & I forgave him. Another 2 months and I find he’s lieing & sneaking involving other females. Not cheating but lied instead of being honest. He broke my trust & I don’t give it quickly or easily. I hate lies or emotional games. That was my 1st sign I had come to care a lot for this man-the depth of my hurt AND that I didn’t immediately walk away as I normally would have. The age worried me & the lack of maturity. He’s a good man in many ways but still-very young minded. He’s a gentleman, caring, affectionate & a good sex drive (I’m not ashamed to say I have a very high sex drive-but do not do casual sex. As a mom, it’s been long bouts of celibacy in between relationships). A few months ago I split up w/him for the following: #1) He is just 30 & most likely will want kids 1 day. I’m mid 40s, I’d love to have more but unless I’m happily married that won’t happen & I’ve accepted that. #2) 10+yrs difference in age = BIG difference in maturity & how you handle relationships. He does some silly, young-dumb, high school type things that made me feel I was being MOM instead of woman/lover & future life partner. I want a MAN, not a boy & don’t play those games. #3) I’m not looking to date for 3-5yrs. I want to find my Mr. Right to settle down with-the right man of course, not just ANY man. To have a Mature, Committed, Honest relationship filled with respect, passion, joy & love (and someone who has Sticking Power = won’t run away when trouble comes up but will work through it with me-not leave me to fix it alone while he ignores the problem). #4) I was not fully emotionally invested yet so I was still able to walk away w/out feeling any major heartache or completel heart break. Basically, I’m a woman who knows who she is, what she’s about, what she wants & what she has to offer and I know I’m good to him. I don’t say that with arrogance either. I treat him w/the importance & priority in my life that he has become to me. I’m very open with my love & affection. I want to make him happy & feel secure in my feelings for him. I know he’s had a few rough past relationship (most of us have) & am sensitive to not making him feel as they once did. I love him & show him that. BUt maybe I was missing something so I asked him if there was something he needed from me I wasn’t giving. He’s said I’m everything he’s ever wanted in a woman & more. He’s thankful to have met me. When I split up w/him he said he as ‘in love’ with me. I doubted it at first. Partially out of fear-it’s been several years since I’ve become emotionally involved. Partially from his lack of maturity & my gut feeling that he was more afraid to lose a good woman & not find another one (his words, not mine) so he would say anything to keep me. After some time, I believe him. We reconciled a few months ago. Since then, he’s not been the same. The little things, just because things-he no longer does. He’s still a gentleman, affectionate & we spend weekends together & sometimes see each other during the week. He’s over my place with me & my family a lot. 3 weeks ago I confront him w/my continued feelings of his not being READY for me or what I’m looking for & feeling he’s holding something back- going in reverse. Finally he admits: He might want kids someday. Not in the next few years, he doesn’t think he’s ready & not sure IF he will ever want one but he MIGHT. He does not want to lose me over a ‘what if’. He does know for certain he loves me & does not want to lose me. I still felt it wasn’t 100% honest/real. He says he’s ‘in love’ but I don’t see/feel that from him. He finally admits he is not IN LOVE. He ‘thought’ he was, maybe he is & is just scared, he’s not sure. All he knows for sure is he does love me, he wants me in his life & doesn’t want to lose me and now that what he was holding back is out & we worked through it, maybe NOW he can catch to me emotionally. That was a huge blow to me in multiple ways. Mostly, I feel lied to-again & deeply hurt. I feel that he played with my emotions & was being selfish and I feel very hurt. Here I am, now 100% fully emotionally involved. I allowed myself to open up to him, let him inside my heart, my family and my home. I’m very hurt & confused & now feeling insecure. I’ve talked to him (multiple times) about what I’m feeling, sensing, what’s upsetting me, what I want & should get from a man who ‘loves’ me but am not getting. He says he knows, he has to do more, show me, etc….but then does nothing. It’s become all talk, no action. I expect Actions to back up words. I understand the necessity & importance of that; he does not. He SAYS he does-but his lack of action says otherwise…or he simply does not care as much as his mouth is telling me. I’m starting to feel like THAT GIRL…the insecure, needy female. I’m not that woman. He’s done NOTHING to help heal the hurt or rebuild the broken trust. Add to that the things he used to do that he doesn’t do now OR the fact that the 1 & only time he ‘made love’ to me was when he thought it was our last time together a few months ago. He’s aware of how I feel. And yet I’ve never once withheld my love, sex, etc. I’ve continued to love him openly. Now I’m not so sure if this 30y/o man is Mr. Right. If I should continue to love him and give him more time to see if he catches up with me…falls in love with me. Maybe I should pull back, give some space but not end it just yet. Or if I should just walk away? I feel that I may be settling for less than I know I deserve & should have & would have with the right man…or am I being impatient and too picky. I have suddenly become very unsure and I don’t like that. Advice???
Age: 43
City: San Diego
State: Ca
Your thoughts?
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