Friday, November 22, 2013

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

The Quickie – Maybe You’re Just Attracted to Douchebags?

Posted: 22 Nov 2013 06:03 AM PST


Name: Juliabless
Comment: Hello Moxie,

July 2011 I met a man, 46, who had been married once to his H.S. sweetheart and divorced (same story; I was married 11 years, then divorced). He was a gentleman. Very nice. The relationship formed slowly. After 3 months or so, we became exclusive. We enjoy the same recreation, tv shows, movies, sports, and we both love dogs…he’s playful and good with my two little dogs. (Neither of us have children). We have a similar sense of humor, so the playful banter is fun. I asked him about his past relationships to get an idea of where he’s been and what he seeks, but he said that he’s a private person who does not talk about past relationships. In another 3 months I moved into his house because my apartment lease was up and it made sense; I was always schlepping to his home with two little dogs and luggage. He paid for us to visit his family in another state. Everything was wonderful. And then, the ugliness began. He travels a lot on business. He became increasingly concerned about where I was when out with women friends (which was once or twice a week for dinner). He complained about my guy Facebook friends “liking” my posts. He stopped wanting to go out with my friends or other couples and would complain about them. I enjoy 1-2 glasses of wine in the evening maybe 3 times weekly; he started accusing me of having a drinking problem. He drinks beer at about the same rate, so that was perplexing. I’m a super-productive, addiction-free career woman–most of time is spent working. His behavior was controlling, in my opinion, so I discussed it with him, and that resulted in many loud arguments which ended with him feeling attacked. I also had this female intuition that something was wrong. Strong. I did something awful–I looked in his phone and found “I miss you very much” texted to a woman. I asked him about it. He flew into a rage that I looked into his phone. He denied she was anything but a friend. I moved out. From there started the cycle that has continued ever since: we are drawn together like magnets. For me, I miss the wonderful, funny moments we share. We reconcile and he insists we are exclusive, then we break up. He breaks up with me, usually, because whenever we talk about any issue he feels attacked. We just reconciled two weeks ago after our longest break up because he wept and said that he really misses me and wants us to make the relationship work because he’d like us to marry eventually. He is pressuring me to be exclusive. I’ve refused, because what happens is we’re exclusive, he expects me to stay at his house instead of him coming to my apartment (which is not happening anymore) and, in my opinion, he expects me to bend over backwards for him until he has another hissy fit and breaks up with me. I do not understand how this man can say “I love you” when he breaks up with me every couple of months. I don’t know if he is manipulating me, or if we’re both just crazy people. I love him, truly, but I am at my wits end. I do not want the cycle to continue into 2014. What are your thoughts? Thank you.
Age: 43
City: Atlanta
State: Georgia

Thoughts?

 

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