And That's Why You're Single

Sometimes People Just Say Things To Be Polite Or Lose Interest

Posted: 13 Feb 2014 06:41 AM PST

Name: Lina
:
Comment: Hi, I know this guy from my previous job. He was working with my company and I had to work with him almost on daily basis. 4-5 months a go he started talking about his and my personal life during our work calls and he also invited me to his house party once. During the party while he was drunk he mentioned in different ways that he likes me. After that we were still talking but nothing serious happened. He also invited me for drink once but he didn’t confirm on time and I told him that I made other plans. I always thought he has this fear of my boss to not loose his business, and that’s the reason he doesn’t make a move. I recently left the company and I ran into him 2 weeks a go in street. We talked and he messaged me two days after and told me that he wants to take me out for dinner/ drinks in next one or two weeks. The day after he called me and told me about a job opportunity. I haven’t heard back from him in a week and I decided to message him. I did text him and he replied to my text very briefly not in a way that I was expecting. Its been 2 weeks since he told me about the dinner but haven’t heard a word from him. I always thought he wants to maintain the relationship with me due to work but now that I am no longer with that company, whats the point of inviting to dinner and not following up?
Age: 32
City: Los Angeles
State: CA

I’m starting to notice a trend in a lot of the letters I receive. The story goes something like this:

OP meets someone
That person expresses initial interest by flirting, asking the OP out or taking them on a date or two
That person stops showing the same level of interest they showed at the beginning
That person fades

While each situation varies, the reason for the scenario played out as it did is almost always as simple as the person just lost interest or weren’t that interested to begin with. It’s a simple concept that many people don’t ever seem to consider or understand. They need something bigger and more involved to explain why someone may no longer wish to take them on a date. It’s a coping mechanism of sorts, I think. We don’t want to believe that somebody could move along, not be sincere, or forget about us that quickly.

The problem isn’t that some people change their mind or are disingenuous. The problem is that some folks get inordinately invested in the attention being shown. Buying gifts for people you barely know is a sign of being too invested. Flipping out after two dates because someone doesn’t want a third date is a sign of being too invested. Behavior like this says far more about the person losing their mind than it does about the person who ghosts on them.

It’s important to be able to stay somewhat detached in the early stages of dating someone new. Just because this date or attention is important to you doesn’t mean that it’s as important to the other person. And that other person isn’t responsible for the expectations and importance that we place on the interaction. Getting upset because some drunk person flirted with you and never called really exposes your own insecurity issues and lack of life experience.

Yesterday I did a profile review for someone in Boston. When we were closing the session he said that if I were ever in Boston, I should get in touch so he could take me for a drink. Was that a direct invitation? No. It’s just something that people say. It’s a pleasantry akin to, “It was great to talk to you. Let’s catch up soon!” Do they really want to catch up? Maybe in that moment they do. But more than likely, 2 days later, they don’t even remember saying it. It’s a way to cap off a friendly chat.

Sometimes people just say thing to be polite or to fill a void in conversation or to gracefully remove themselves from a situation. You can’t take everything that someone says at face value. This is something we learn along the way in life. This isn’t a dating skill. It’s a life skill.

Attract Girls Now

Thursday, February 13, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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