Monday, February 17, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

Why You Need To Take Things Offline As Soon As Possible

Posted: 17 Feb 2014 02:55 PM PST


Name: Mary Annlaptoplove

:
Comment: Through an online dating website, I met a guy who seemed perfect in every way.  We are both very goal-oriented, educated people.  We began by exchanging emails, photos, and eventually phone numbers and texts.  About a month into our constant conversations, he asked if I would ever consider meeting in person.  I was hesitant because I am not very experienced in dating at all and we are both very busy with school and/or work.  I agreed to coffee or lunch and we waited to schedule it until he was going to have a couple weeks off from work.  We scheduled a coffee/lunch date at a hippy cafe around lunchtime, but he texted me early that morning saying he got called into work the night shift and was barely getting off.  He didn’t think he’d be “conscious” by the time we agreed to meet.  I didn’t make a big deal out of it and said it was fine to reschedule.  He thanked me for understanding and said that I was awesome for it.  He never rescheduled and I haven’t heard from him since.  I have no idea what happened.  I know he had even added my picture to his phone contacts list and kept sending me texts with my name followed by multiple exclamation marks, so I assumed he was pretty excited about the whole thing.  He’s in his early 30s, so he’s a big boy and knows what he’s doing.  I just don’t see the point of putting in effort into something and then just stopping all communication with me for no reason.  We actually seemed a bit too compatible.  It almost made me nervous how much we had in common (music, education, hobbies).  While at a birthday dinner for a friend last night, I saw him with a group of people.  I think he was there for a party, which very possibly could have been his own birthday celebration.  This is the first time I have “put myself out there” like that, so I am disappointed to say the least.  I know we are both busy individuals, but why start something saying you would make time for someone and back out last minute?  He did look a bit different from his picture (a bit heavier set and more balding).  And for the record, no, I didn’t go up to him and say hi or anything.  I don’t want to seem desperate and text him or anything, but I would like some kind of explanation.  I don’t know how to feel about it.  I hate people who toy with others’ feelings.
Age: 27
City: Austin
State: Texas

If you saw him, he probably saw you, too. Chalk this up to someone just losing interest and moving on.

I keep repeating this over and over and I’ll say it yet again. The longer you spend communicating online/electronically, the less likely you will meet offline.

I’m not sure how I can express enough urgency where this topic is concerned. There is no time for dilly dallying or “getting to know someone” when online or digital dating is involved. Exchange 3-4 messages each and then make a date. That’s it. All of you people who need several days or weeks of contact before meeting are going to be left out in the cold. Nobody has the patience for that any more.

There are far too many options for people to use to meet people, and it’s inevitable that more will crop up as time goes by.  I will burst your bubble a bit and tell you that this guy was probably chatting up numerous people in that month that you and he were communicating. No way was he putting all his eggs in that one basket unless he never had any intention of meeting you. That too is a possibility. Someone who can’t manage to meet you within a week of initiating conversation or contact is not serious about meeting you. Full stop. End of story. The fat lady has sung.

If you are still interested in meeting him, send him a text or email and say, “Hey! I was at my friend’s birthday party the other night at XBar and saw you.  I didn’t want to approach you because I thought it might seem weird. Any way, thought it was funny and it made me think of you. If you’d like to get a drink sometimes this week, let me know.” Then click send. Then wait. If he answers and ignores your invitation to get a drink, disengage. In the off chance he was feeling that maybe you might reject him because he didn’t look like his pictures, he’ll know by your message that you’re perfectly okay with how he looks and still want to meet.

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