And That's Why You're Single

Do You Wait For Men To Earn Enough Money Before You Commit?

Posted: 25 Feb 2014 03:02 PM PST

Name: Katie
:
Comment: As I near 30, having children become increasingly important to me. I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for 1.5 years. He is tall, hot, plays the guitar, we have many shared interests, and the same sense of humor. However, he makes half of my salary. (I work in a technical field and make the upper range of my salary bracket for my experience level.) Since I desire a family, his ability to pull his weight financially in raising children is a concern for me. You may wonder why I didn’t take his earning ability into consideration when I decided to commit to him. To be honest, I only started thinking about having kids as a realistic possibility about 8 months ago and have been slowly working through the practical implications since then.

I discussed my desire to have children with him, and he admitted that he needs 2-4 years to prepare both emotionally and financially, which is understandable and predictable. He is working to switch into my career field in order to make more money. But I think realistically, it would take 4 years to him to be at where I would like him to be financially.

He is 3.5 years younger than me, so my desire for children makes the age difference (which has never been an issue before because we look about the same age) apparent, and I can’t help but wonder if we’re simply at different places in life.

I’m pretty and I understand men fairly well, so I know I would have no trouble attracting the type of guy who is ready for children right now if I were to start looking. So I don’t know whether I should stick it out for another 4 years or call it quits now. Thanks in advance for your insights.
Age: 29
City: Washington
State: DC

It doesn’t sound like you’re terribly committed to this guy now, so why stick around? I mean, you’re already weighing your options instead of trying to devise a plan that will help you and he reach this goal together. Not once do you say in this letter that you love him. That should tell you everything you need to know.

And what’s with this, “He’s 3-5 years younger than me?” thing. Do you not know how old he is and can you not subtract those digits from the digits in your age and come up with a hard and fast number? I’m going to take this to mean that he’s actually 4-5 years younger than you, which puts him at 24 or 25. That’s a pretty critical age difference. It would be different if you were 35 and he were 31 or even if you were 33 and he were 28. He’s still developing and figuring himself out. You’re at the tail end of that phase of your life. You wouldn’t be maturing at the same rate. Not emotionally, not mentally, and not financially. You had your fun with hot guy in the band. Scratch that off your bucket list and move on.

Though, before you do that, you may wish to consider one other point. What if, and this is a wild thought, you work and the baby’s father stays home with the child? The one income household thing has been around for quite some time and people seem to manage. Now, if you’re you’re not making enough to support yourself, that’s one thing. But if you can end up making enough to support your family, then why not consider that as an option instead of crossing your fingers that some dude will raise his earning potential or hedging your bets that you’ll find a guy who makes enough to support a family? Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s insane for anybody to settle down with someone who can’t substantially financially contribute to a household. But who’s to say which partner should be the one who makes the higher salary? Aren’t those days behind us?

I guess I’m still blown away by how many women are still relying on the man to be the breadwinner. That’s a little out of touch these days, don’t you think?

Attract Girls Now

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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