And That's Why You're Single

Why Do We Care So Much About What Men Think Of Our Bodies?

Posted: 26 Feb 2014 03:59 PM PST

Name: Anna
:
Comment: I’ve read some of the similar posts here but I haven’t read one answering my question. I am 21 and in college, I’ve only had sex with one guy and I am extremely self-conscious about my body. Since I was a teen I’ve had stretch marks from growing literally everywhere– lower back, hips, thighs, breasts and front and back of my arms and knees. It’s crazy. I might have been able to deal with this if these scars weren’t as visible but they are because I have olive skin and when I tan, the marks don’t. What makes this situation unbearable is that I am gorgeous, 5’11″, slim, and I have been recruited to model many times and was a child model (before the marks).

Even though I don’t consider myself shallow, I surround myself with people who are all shapes, size, backgrounds, races, etc, I found that I was always devalued because I have these highly visible scars that people consider unsightly. I learned to always hide them and now I don’t know what to do when I want to date or probably should date. Should I date if I am this uncomfortable with my body (I don’t wear dresses or swim suits anymore) and probably will be this uncomfortable with it forever or am I doomed to a long, lonely life? Because I have a good personality and I am strong, what people see on the outside is an extremely stark contrast from what I really look like and it shocks the few people I showed. I can’t continue to put myself in situations where I only have sex in the dark. On a side-note, I have tried expensive laser surgery and creams, nothing works. Any dating advice would help.
Age: 21
City: New York
State: New York

Stop hiding them. That’s my answer. Stop. Hiding. Them.

You’ve tried surgery and creams and they have not helped. Those marks are not going anywhere. But you know what? Even if they magically disappeared one day, I will guarantee you that you would find something else about your body to obsess about. You know why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe our bodies are supposed to look a certain way, and that beauty and perfection come in one form. And they don’t.

I am just so tired – and by tired I mean fatigued – by how much thought we put into being good enough or thin enough or rich enough by everybody else’s standards instead of our own. You said it. You’re gorgeous. Not “gorgeous, but…” You’re gorgeous. That’s it. Those marks on your body are made so much worse by how how much focus and attention your put on them. Of course people act shocked when they see them. think of how you frame the conversation. I bet you say something like, “Oh, God. I have these awful marks on my body. They’re so ugly. I can’t get rid of them.” I bet if you were to just say, “Oh, yeah, I have stretch marks because I’m 5’11″ and that happens to our bodies when there’s a spurt in growth or weight gain. ”

It might not be the same thing, but a few months ago I was washing my face and I saw these two small, brownish spots on my cheek. I had never noticed them before. They were age spots. That’s what happens when we grow older. We get age spots. And you know what? It happens to everybody. Nobody is immune to it. I refused to freak out over them.

Sometimes it’s really hard to accept things that we can’t change. It’s frustrating. But consider the energy we waste moaning and groaning over such things. It’s time we’ll never get back, and no matter how deep or intense those feelings run, nothing can be altered. If anything, we’re just that much more worse for the wear.

Should you date? Of course you should date. Don’t allow all the noise that you see or hear try to convince you that you are only worthy of love and affection if you look a certain way. No, you’re not doomed to live a lonely life. Naked is naked. Yes, there might be a few immature and superficial dudes who might balk, but that’s because they have distorted ideas of what bodies are supposed to look like. Their exposure to naked women has been porn and media ads. Guys with experience know that the human body comes in various forms and shapes, with marks and bunches and sags and creases. There’s no doubt that the marks you mention, while maybe somewhat noticeable, aren’t nearly as garish as you think. You’ve made them into something bigger and badder than they are.

We all have something that we fear will get us dumped if we reveal it. Yours just happens to be visible. The less focus you put on them, the less power you give to them. A mature guy will look past those discolorations quite easily. Especially if he’s already attracted to everything else. That I know. Don’t let those marks define you. You’re so much more than that.

Attract Girls Now

Thursday, February 27, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

No comments:

Post a Comment