And That's Why You're Single |
| Deception Is Part of Dating Online. Deal With It. Posted: 18 Feb 2014 03:24 PM PST Name: G This weekend I went on my first “online date” in quite a while. The girl looked very pretty and seemed really fun and interesting online. But it was the same old pattern… she text saying she had arrived to the bar just before I came through the door and I had to look around, not seeing her. Then I see someone waving at me… definitely not the person I thought I was chatting to online. And this isn’t a first. It’s happened quite a few times. At the very least it’s a case of the photo’s being quite out-dated but quite often I don’t even recognize them at all! I know some will say I’m being superficial and picky and probably mean. But I just find this a real turn off. To be fair, she was a nice girl, I stayed and we chatted and she was very polite and nice. But something in the back of my head just wasn’t right about it. She wasn’t quite what she presented herself to be and although she was nice, I just wasn’t feeling the attraction. The girl I thought I was meeting was back in 2009 somewhere. Now, I know, we all put our best foot forward and try to pick our best pictures for our profile. But what do you think is fair between putting your best foot forward and just flat out being deceptive? Of course, like anyone, I try to put good photos of myself on my profile, but I wouldn’t go as far as trying to deceive anyone. I’m only wasting my time and theirs I feel. If they eventually meet me, they’ll see the real me so it seems pointless. I’d rather someone look at my photo and “Pass” rather than go through all the trouble of messaging back and forth, setting up a date and then eventually being let down or feeling cheated. What you see is what you get and honesty is the best policy I feel. But I don’t understand what they are thinking? When the photos are from a few years ago… it’s only ever seems to happen because they have changed quite a lot physically over that time… and when the pictures are not them at all… well… what to think? Even the 4/5 year old pictures didn’t do them justice. So right now.. after a “lets give this another go and see if I find someone great this time!” I come home and am thinking “I really should have known better, why do I bother?” I’d rather someone look at my photo and “Pass” rather than go through all the trouble of messaging back and forth, I call bullshit. I’d rather someone reject me for how I looked in person than in a photo. I’d rather someone get to know me before they rejected me. Because, see, we’re supposed to care about the insides, too. I realize that that isn’t how life works and I accept the nature of online dating, but still. I’m sure I have shown up on some dates and not looked like some of my photos. I might be ten pounds heavier or my hair might be curly or straight. But that doesn’t change the text in my profile or my personality. Nor am I being egregiously deceptive. If someone is going to nit pick and be bent that I don’t look exactly like my photo, then good riddance. What are they thinking by posting these photos? Well, I bet in many cases they actually believe they closely resemble those photos. In other cases, yeah, they might be using a shot from when they were a little thinner or had more hair. But that’s because they wanted to get the date. Do I think it’s right when people post photos from 5 years ago where they look completely different? No. Like you, I think it’s a waste of time. But do I flip if a guy shows up and he’s 5’8″ not 5’10″ or carrying a little more weight? No, I don’t. Because shit happens sometimes. Maybe those pics are 8 months old and they got sick or suffered an injury and stopped working out or whatever. I’m not just there for the photo. I’m at that bar meeting that guy because I was intrigued by the whole package. If I like someone, then 20 extra pounds or looking a few years older doesn’t bother me. Dating online is a chore. It’s hard. We just want to get that date so we can show up and be judged on our character and personality as well as our looks. Because, let’s be honest…if someone had an amazeballs profile but was average looking, they’d get passed by. You know it and I know it. We all know we’re being rated hot or not, and it’s dehumanizing after awhile. The fact is that you have no idea when those photos were taken. And if those photos did have tell-tale signs of being old, well shame on you. And I will bet ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY people know when a photo is old but ignore it because the person is “hot.” Unless all of the photos were old, which is possible, what’s more likely is that they had a pic or two from a few years back where they looked “better” and lumped them in with a few other recent photos. So, in many cases, it’s not that they were being maliciously deceptive, it’s that people turned a blind eye to what was in front of them. So how about all of those people constantly complaining about how different their dates looked just cop to being as shallow as the rest of us and get off their high horses, hmm? For all of those folks who go the radical honesty route, good on ya. You’ll get to heaven quicker than the rest of us poor slobs just trying to work the system a bit. Just the idea that someone might be sizing me up and mentally taking my measurements annoys me. Yes, I get why you’re annoyed. But you play a part in this and you know it. So fix whatever it is you can fix on your end and you won’t experience this as often.
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