And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 28 Dec 2013 06:48 AM PST

Name: Matt

Comment: Here’s something I’ve run into multiple times and can’t quite figure out- Person A isn’t interested in Person B, so how is that any business of Person C?

Here’s the most recent example: at work, some of the guys have been bugging me about not going to the company holiday party after the New Year’s (apparently my repeated statements of disinterest haven’t quite hammered home the fact that I don’t want to go). Eventually, I said, “Hey, fix me up on a date with a girl I’d be interested in going to the party with, and I’ll go.”

They responded with, “How about Coworker X?” I responded with a “No”, and expected that to be that. Then they started in with the “Why nots” and “Is it because…?” and I’m just standing there thinking, “I expressed my disinterest, that should be the end of it.”

And if this were just the guys at work, that would be one thing. But it keeps happening with other people. One friend even asked me why I didn’t like another friend in front of the very person in question (which demonstrates a severe lack of tact and such, in my opinion).

What’s more confusing is that once, when someone rejected me, I asked why, and when I mentioned this to third parties, you’d think I’d kicked a puppy by their reaction. “Oh, you must NEVER ask why!” Why does the person being rejected have less of a right to know why than some third party who really has no stake in the matter in the first place?
Age: 35
City: Drexel Hill
State: PA

I think what really annoys you is that the people that your co-workers suggest as possible dates are, in your mind, beneath you. You’re offended at their suggestions, and more offended that they don’t naturally understand why you wouldn’t be attracted to their suggested date. Their inquiries make you feel as though they think you’re being too picky. Which in turn bothers you because nobody likes to be told they’re being too picky, as the underlying message is, “Uh, have you met yourself/looked in a mirror?”

You also feel annoyed because when you told your co-workers about that time you asked for feedback after being rejected, the reacted with horror. There’s a difference in the two scenarios. In the first scenario, an outside party is asking why you’re not interested and someone else. In the second scenario, you’re asking why someone wasn’t interested in you. The latter example puts the person you’re asking in a very uncomfortable spot. The former example doesn’t involve delivering any potentially sensitive feedback to the person you’re rejecting.

Maybe they’re asking why you didn’t like someone because they’re trying to hone in on what you do like. That’s a possibility. Or maybe they feel you’re being unnecessarily difficult . I mean, the idea that you’d only go to the office holiday party if you had a date is a little ridiculous, don’t you think? A lot of people dread those things, but they go because their company is shelling out money to say Thank You for all of their employee’s hard work. Attending is the appropriate thing to do unless you have another genuinely pressing engagement. At the very least, you don’t announce that you aren’t attending. It’s bad form. You maybe hedge around it or even lie. But you don’t brazenly admit that you can’t be bothered to attend unless you have a date. It really makes you look bad.

While there is always those one or two people who like to play Matchmaker, most people don’t open that door uninvited. My guess is that you make your dating difficulties known and they’re trying to help or hoping to get you matched up so you’ll stop complaining.

Attract Girls Now

Saturday, December 28, 2013

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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