And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 30 Dec 2013 01:21 PM PST

So, yeah. tomorrow, New Year’s Eve, is my birthday. I turn 45. bday

It feels strange. It’s definitely something I feel I have to settle in to. Lots of questions about my future, what I should do next, what does it have in store for me, etc. Honestly? I’m growing weary of writing this column.

Yesterday my sister sent a text asking if we could all convene on Jan 1st to resume the probate talks. The legal aspect is now over, but my sisters and I still have to hash out the details in regards to the two properties.

I didn’t respond to the text. I just didn’t feel like getting in to it. On top of that, I’ve been feeling pretty sick these last few days, something my sister knew. 2 hours after she sent the text, she calls me. “To check in.” It took less than 2 minutes for her to ask if I had received her text.

As I frequently say, sometimes no response is a response. To call me and ask if i had received it felt passive aggressive. You know I received it. I didn’t want to talk about it. Now you’re forcing me to talk about it.

I share this story to try and explain why maybe those conversations we try to have when we feel we’re being ignored or blown off don’t go so well. By confronting the person, you’re putting them in an uncomfortable spot. You’re also annoying them, which often leads to things being said that wouldn’t have been said had you just sat on your hands for a bit or taken the hint.

Something else has been on my mind. I spent a great deal of time Sunday morning reviewing female dating profiles on OKCupid. I was looking for some curly hair styles for an upcoming party. I concentrated on women in my age range – 38-50. Here’s something I noticed:

Many of the women did everything they could to hide their face. Their photos were heavily filtered or they were posed at weird angles or lying down. (Sidenote: men and women both have to do away with the sexy bedroom head on the pillow pose.) Or the photos were obviously old. FYI…men and women should view their profile photos using both their laptop and their phone and even their iPad or tablet. Depending on what you’re using to access the site, your photos might end up looking old when they aren’t.

Looking at these profiles made me feel really frustrated. It was if women my age felt they had to hide those little lines or circles or whatever. There were a lot of shots taken at a distance or wearing sunglasses. But there were other photos on their profile that made it clear that these were really attractive women. yet there was this consistent pattern of pictures on their profiles that made it seem as though they were hiding.Which sucks. I’m even guilty of it. When I had my photos taken a few months ago, I asked the photographer to air brush out the circle under my eyes. We are what we are. We look like what we look like. Any 40 or 45 year old man still expecting a 40 year old woman to look 25 has unreasonable expectations. By hiding or posting pictures like this, we’re feeding into the idea that to be of value or to be attractive to men, we need to look young.

This little project also made me recognize that there are some amazing women on OKCupid these days, so I don’t know what all the whining from guys is about.

What Do You Do When Every Guy Reminds You of Your Ex?

Posted: 30 Dec 2013 01:17 PM PST

Name: Jackie
Website:
Question: Hello, I’ve written in before about the guy wanting me to come to his place for our second date.

Well we went out several times more and I still haven’t gone to his place. But on our last few dates he acted very depressed and told me about some things going on with his family. This put me off a bit. Once, I don’t feel like someone you just met needs to know your family drama. Two, the fact that he couldn’t compartmentalize for a few hours on our dates sent up a flag for me. He reminded me of my ex who uses sympathy to hook women. I don’t want to enter a relationship for someone I feel bad for. It doesn’t seem healthy for either of us.

I considered no longer seeing him due to this but I don’t want to write him off for this if it’s not really as big a deal as I’m viewing it. Also, every time of think he is losing interest, he texts me again. I spoke with him a few days ago and got two word answers so I stopped messaging him. I didn’t hear from him until two days later and then it was only 2-3 texts (the check in?). In the mean time he’d been logged into the site where we met, so I stopped thinking it was depression keeping him quiet and maybe it was me. But I’m actually starting to wonder if he’s more like my ex than I initially thought and looking for his happiness in a woman more sympathetic than myself.

I feel like every time we move forward we end up three steps back because he acts funny. I don’t need another man who emotionally drains me with his issues but u also don’t want to be mean or not understanding.

What is a girl to do?
Age: 24
State: Ohio

It sounds like you need to work out whatever residual issues and feelings you may have for your Ex.

It’s possible that this guy is dropping his bait back in the OKCupid pond because he senses your ambivalence. He appears to be trying based on what you’ve shared. He doesn’t sound like he’s pressuring you to move too fast. He’s opening up to you. He’s making sincere effort. You might be getting so in your head about your Ex that you’re giving off mixed signals.

Compounding the confusion is how you are analyzing and interpreting the attention he shows. Maybe both of you are a little too far in your heads? Why not just try to go with it and see what happens? Maybe extend an invitation to him to go out? This place where you’re at now usually leads to one or both parties throwing their hands up and going off at the wrong time.

Attract Girls Now

Monday, December 30, 2013

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

No comments:

Post a Comment