And That's Why You're Single |
| Posted: 02 Apr 2014 02:45 PM PDT A good friend just sent me a conversation he had with a 30-year old woman he met on Tinder. The first question she asks after they exchange the initial round of “Hey, we matched” conversation was, “So what do you do for work?” She sent him two messages in a row. He replied to her initial email but not the second one asking what he did for work. He wasn’t intentionally dodging the question. He just replied to her first message. They chat some more and make plans to meet. Once again she asks him what he does for a living. And once again she sends a second message before he can reply to the first asking where he went to school. Since they had plans to meet that night, and because Tinder is a pain in the ass to use to communicate, my friends says, “Why don’t we cover that stuff over drinks tonight?” She replies and says she’s going to pass, saying she didn’t think she was asking anything too out there. “I just wanted to get a little more info before meeting” she said. Well, no. She wanted to see how much he was going to disclose to her and hoped to determine that he wasn’t unemployed. As an aside, I’ll say this. Jumping immediately to the what do you do for work/where did you go to school questions is a sign of poor conversation skills. If you can’t come up with anything else besides those two questions when you’re initially making conversation with someone, it’s safe to say that you’re a bore. As I’ve mentioned before, Tinder is going to separate the wheat from the chaff within the singles scene. It’s not for the faint of heart. You have to be willing to forgo all the usual messaging and get to know you steps if you wish to use it to your advantage. Personally, I bail when any Tinder match tries to converse with me beyond 3 emails. It’s just far too arduous to sit on my phone and type. The only way to engage someone on Tinder is through your phone or iPad or tablet. Most people use their phone. This is another reason why people are ghosting faster. Writing messages while using your phone is a pain in the butt, fraught with typos and screen shifts and the like. My guess is that my friend’s Tinder match thought he was being dodgy by not answering those questions. I can see that. It’s important to realize that those questions are immediate red flags to most men. A woman might think she’s “just making conversation” but most men know that’s not the case. She’s trying to get details to check him out or she’s testing him to see how much will reveal to her, a stranger.It’s a hoop, and most people hate hoops. People know when someone is on a fishing expedition. People also know when they’re being tested. As the digital dating scene continues to intensify and move faster, the people who needs to have all their boxes checked and T’s crossed are going to lose out. Be warned.
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