And That's Why You're Single |
| Just Admit You’re Rubbing Your Relationship In Your Friend’s Face Posted: 28 Apr 2014 03:05 PM PDT Many thanks to Btowngirl for sharing this article. I watched a web cast of a panel that Stanger hosted a few months ago and was so annoyed by the way she made the whole friggin’ thing about her that I ended up writing a character based on her into my book.Mind you, she was terribly, terribly proud of the fact that the guy she’s now engaged to or dating told her that he blew off a woman because she had sex with him on the first date. She got quite a tickle sharing that with the audience. It’s funny because many people like to compare me to Patti. You know, as a compliment. Let’s start with the title.
So, when we’re single, we’re “girls.” But when we’re in relationships, we’re women. Oh, Patti. I see what you did there. Let’s begin.
I don’t know about anybody else, but I have never once worried that my married, engaged or coupled up female friends would bring their partners along on a night out. The only time I might suspect that the friend would do that is if – you guessed it – she’s done it before. This is not the default assumption on single women’s part. We don’t automatically assume that our female friends can’t function or interact independently of their guy. But we do have concerns about that when our female friend can’t ever seem to do anything on her own or without him. Unless there’s a proven track record of such dependency, we simply do not worry about this.
Oh. So you actually do want to bring your guy with you when you go out with your female friends. Thanks for clarifying. AND STOP CALLING HIM YOUR BOO. Do I really need to explain why this kind of appropriation is offensive?
Well, let’s see. I’m 45. Man or no man, I have ZERO desire to “rage.” And let’s be honest, the only time our friends in relationship do want to “rage” is usually when their significant other is otherwise engaged. We don’t invite our paire doff friends out for nights at da club because a) who even goes to da club anymore and b) because we’ve asked you before and you’ve always had a reason why you can’t that includes the phrase, “We already have plans.” You’re not not invited because we don’t want you around. We stop inviting you because you usually say no.
I’ll give her this one. Obviously, when you’re in a relationship, you can’t just tell your partner, “See ya! I;m going to Da Cluuub!.” It’s disrespectful not to check with them about certain things. But here’s the caveat. It’s one thing if you have plans and can’t meet up. It’s another if you don’t have plans and are like,”Well, I have to check with Brutus because I think we might be doing something.” Translation: If he wants to go out, I’m choosing him.
Oh..so you’re setting us up with a friend of one of your “boo’s.” Huh. That’s funny. Because you never tried to set us up with a guy friend WHEN YOU WERE SINGLE. Let’s all marinate on that one for a second. Gee, now WHY wouldn’t a friend like this play matchmaker when we were both single? Hmm. Pretend to think. Pretend. to. think. Here’s why: because to friends like this, we’re the competition. So much for the whole, “We want you to beeeee happpeeeeee” stuff.
Mmmmm..no. That’s not why you bring him ’round so often. It’s not because you desperately want our blessing. You bring him around because, much like any other accessory, you feel it enhances your presentation in some way. I will say again that these types of articles are nothing but thinly veiled humblebrags written in an attempt to condescend to and one up other single women. Yes, Patti and your ilk, we’re all just so. jealous. of your relationships that we can’t bear to be in your vicinity for fear we might go home and cry ourselves to sleep. I’m just so damn tired of this nonsense. Nobody is jealous of you, nobody covets your man, nobody is competing with you. It’s totally the other way around. The whole idea that single women don’t relate to women in relationships is perpetuated by articles like this. We’re your friend. We’re happy for you. We’re capable of developing lives outside of not just men, but you. Trust me. We do just fine. We know that when it comes our turn to find reasons to talk about our guys or disappear for a bit, you’ll get it and you won’t hold it against us. This sort of thing is not as complex and emotionally and psychologically volatile as people like this like to portray. You don’t see us writing listicles about allll the ways being single is so much more awesome than being in a relationship. And when you do, it’s because someone is trying to compensate for something that is missing in their lives. Yammering about this stuff gives them a sense of satisfaction and validation that they just can’t seem to get when they’re single. Which is the same reason why people in relationships (not just women!) write this stuff. They need to prove to everybody that they are desirable and have achieved the incredibly lofty goal of finding someone to put up with them for an extended period of time. Most women don’t even think like this. The ones who do need to believe that there’s this enclave of single women conspiring against them or weeping into their Cosmos because they don’t have a manz. That’s about them, not about us. Most women who pair off make the time to maintain their female friendships. Stop making this out to be an us versus them scenario.
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