And That's Why You're Single

She’s 18, He’s 27. Is There a Problem With That?

Posted: 03 Apr 2014 02:41 PM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Beck’s JUSTFRIENDS_grande
Comment: Hi!
I met this man about 8 months ago at an event. Then he added me on Facebook and we discovered we had an age gap of 9 years. Me being 18 and him being 27, was hard to accept at the first but once we started to talk frequently the “age gap” problem disappeared. We really connected with each other. We were talking for hours each days for 2-3 weeks. After 2 months of being “friends with feelings”, things started to get pretty serious so, obviously, the “age gap” problem reappeared and we had to make a decision. Since he was not ready for it and I didn’t want to force anything, cutting ties was the best solution.

1 month after , he texted me and said : “How are doing? …. I miss you. ” so we talked again but very briefly because I didn’t want to go through the same process again.

The next month, he started liking pictures and status that I posted. Obviously he was trying to catch my attention. And it worked! So we decided to be friends again.. ( I know really dumb decision. But I really liked him.. And I was not ready to let go)

Finally, he invented me on a “date” (he called it a “friend date”) and so we went skating, we ate, etc… Everything was perfect. The best date I ever went on so far and the age gap didn’t seem to bother him anymore. So I was happy… But I after a month of no progress, I felt like he was still afraid to go to the next level.

So here we are today!

We admit that we like each other once again but we’re not together yet ..
We do text each other often but he’s really busy and we don’t really have time to see each other.
My family and I are moving out this Saturday and he will be there too.. (He asked if he could come and help)

I’m not sure what’s going on right now. I really like him and I wish things were easier for us..
What I want is to be with him for sure but I don’t know what he wants.
But this time I feel like he’s at least trying to make moves..

So my question today is : Should I just go with the flow and see if things will get better with time .. And for how long should I wait ? Or should I definitely cut ties with him?
Age: 18
City: Ottawa
State: Ontario

Well, let’s start with the most important factor here. In Ottawa, the age of consent is 16 year sold as of today. Literally as of today. So legally there are no issues.

It sounds like he’s uncomfortable with the age difference. Which, in my opinion, he should be. It’s one thing for a 27 year old guy to want to have sex with an 18 year old woman. I get that. Some women have a similar fascination with young guys in that we like the idea of sexually educating them. The scenario has an appeal. Do I think it’s a little skeevy? Yes. I do. But the age of consent is the age of consent for a reason, so I’ll just let each person decide what works for them while silently judging them and giving the the side-eye.

However, there’s something off to me about a 27 year old person wanting to date an 18 year old person. Sex? I get it. A relationship? Nope. Don’t get it. If you were, say, 25 and he were 32? Eh, that’s a little different. A little. I think people in their early to mid-twenties should date people their own age or close to it. Wide age gaps between someone in their late teens and early twenties and someone late twenties and older feels wonky to me. The levels of emotional maturity are too vast, in my opinion. At least they should be. The next 10 years or so are crucial for you. He’s already at the precipice of establishing his identity. You’re at the beginning. You’ll be maturing and evolving at different rates.

I know couples with similar age ranges, and there isn’t one of them where I didn’t think the older person had some issues that led them to prefer someone that much younger. Maybe it’s a control thing, maybe they just need to be with someone totally non-threatening, or maybe they just want someone who admires them and is totally dependent on them. I’m not sure. But there’s a reason why someone that much older would pursue and date seriously someone not only that much younger, but someone with so much less life experience. Relationships are hard even when you and your partner have similar backgrounds. Throw in an unequal understanding or level of experience with money, career, life goals, etc and you’ve got a break-up/divorce waiting to happen.

Something else to consider is that not only might he be uncomfortable with the age range, but he could also be concerned with what other people might think of him. Plus, you’re underage and can’t buy or be served alcohol. That puts a major crimp in your dating lifestyle. Maybe if you were 19, the legal drinking age in Ontario, things might be a little different.

But you’re not.

This guy isn’t fully on board with dating someone your age. Better to focus on guys that are ready to date you now rather than hold off hoping that this guy will wait until you turn 20.

One on One Dating Profile Review

Get a 45 minute one on one review of your profile with me. I'll go over your picture selection and ad text and let you know if your profile includes any buzz words or red flags. I'll also help you tweak/write your profile if it needs some freshening up.

$45 – INCLUDES:

*Profile analysis (45 minute phone session.)
*Assistance with editing and re-writes.
*Photo selection and review.
*Feedback about specific issues and experiences.
*Site selections and Pros & Cons of the more popular dating sites.
*Overview of online dating basics – how to write intro messages, how to draw more attention to your profile, how to sort your searches so you can see profiles you might be missing.

$45 (Use code BLOG to save $10)

Let Me Write Your Profile For You

$75 – INCLUDES:

*A complete re-write of your self-summary and other profile sections as well as what you are looking for in a partner or date.
*Assistance with editing and re-writes.
*Photo selection and review.
*Feedback about specific issues and experiences.
*Site selections and Pros & Cons of the more popular dating sites.
*Learn how to write better intro messages that will get responses
*Get tips to draw more attention to your profile
*Learn how to sort your searches so you can see profiles you might be missing.

$75 (Use code BLOG to save $10)

Attract Girls Now

Thursday, April 3, 2014