And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 02 Apr 2014 02:45 PM PDT

A good friend just sent me a conversation he had with a 30-year old woman he met on Tinder. tindermatch

The first question she asks after they exchange the initial round of “Hey, we matched” conversation was, “So what do you do for work?” She sent him two messages in a row. He replied to her initial email but not the second one asking what he did for work. He wasn’t intentionally dodging the question. He just replied to her first message. They chat some more and make plans to meet. Once again she asks him what he does for a living. And once again she sends a second message before he can reply to the first asking where he went to school.

Since they had plans to meet that night, and because Tinder is a pain in the ass to use to communicate, my friends says, “Why don’t we cover that stuff over drinks tonight?”

She replies and says she’s going to pass, saying she didn’t think she was asking anything too out there.

“I just wanted to get a little more info before meeting” she said.

Well, no. She wanted to see how much he was going to disclose to her and hoped to determine that he wasn’t unemployed. As an aside, I’ll say this. Jumping immediately to the what do you do for work/where did you go to school questions is a sign of poor conversation skills. If you can’t come up with anything else besides those two questions when you’re initially making conversation with someone, it’s safe to say that you’re a bore.

As I’ve mentioned before, Tinder is going to separate the wheat from the chaff within the singles scene. It’s not for the faint of heart. You have to be willing to forgo all the usual messaging and get to know you steps if you wish to use it to your advantage. Personally, I bail when any Tinder match tries to converse with me beyond 3 emails. It’s just far too arduous to sit on my phone and type. The only way to engage someone on Tinder is through your phone or iPad or tablet. Most people use their phone. This is another reason why people are ghosting faster. Writing messages while using your phone is a pain in the butt, fraught with typos and screen shifts and the like.

My guess is that my friend’s Tinder match thought he was being dodgy by not answering those questions. I can see that. It’s important to realize that those questions are immediate red flags to most men. A woman might think she’s “just making conversation” but most men know that’s not the case. She’s trying to get details to check him out or she’s testing him to see how much will reveal to her, a stranger.It’s a hoop, and most people hate hoops.

People know when someone is on a fishing expedition. People also know when they’re being tested. As the digital dating scene continues to intensify and move faster, the people who needs to have all their boxes checked and T’s crossed are going to lose out.

Be warned.

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Would You Dump Someone If They Gave You An Ultimatum?

Posted: 02 Apr 2014 01:44 PM PDT

Name: Rootie

Website:
Question: I’ve met a man who I believe is my “soul mate” as well as he believes I’m his. We have so much chemistry and connection, have a great time together, enjoy the same interests and have been dating for 8 weeks now. I am a smoker and he’s a non-smoker (he knew this when we met). I NEVER smoke around him or WHILE I am with him. I do have a PLAN to quit and am working on this, he’s knows I have a PLAN, but however, out of the blue, he gave me an ULTIMATUM that it is either HIM or my cigarettes. He said that if I LOVED him enough, I would quit. I walked away and I am NOT quitting over an ULTIMATUM, but I am going to continue to work with my plan to quit. Why do you believe he gave me an Ultimatum instead of talking it out with me? Confused and frustrated.
Age: 57
State: MD

Every smoker has a “plan” to quit smoking. Been there, done that. He dumped you because he knows you’ll never quit and he doesn’t wish to date a smoker because he doesn’t wish to be with someone who will likely develop cancer or some other illness and die or at least have their quality of life greatly reduced. Crazy, right?

He’s right. If you loved him enough, you’d at least try to quit. Just like he tried to date you even though you smoked and he clearly HATED IT.

You go on with your righteous indignation and continue with your plan to eventually quit someday maybe.

Thoughts?