And That's Why You're Single

That Guy You’re Sure Isn’t a Jerk? Yeah, He’s a Jerk

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 02:25 PM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Tiffany
:
Comment: Hello,

Here is what is going on.
While in vacation in New York, I met a guy online. I was about leaving 5 days after we started to talk. When I told him that he said he wanted to meet me before I leave. I didn’t to because I thought it would be stupid and useless. But then he planned the day and I kind of got caught into it. We were supposed to meet on a wednesday but on tuesday he texted me to tell me he couldn’t make it because he had had an accident. I just thought it was just a way to cancel the date without being rude. So I was about to go on and leave it behind but he kept on texting me. I went back home and even 2000 miles away we kept on talking and after a couple of weeks I really started to be into him. He said nice stuff and I could truly see he wasn’t a jerk. As this happening I started acting clingy and stupid. It’s been a week now and he doesn’t talk that much anymore even though he still text everyday. What should I do to show him I’m not that annoying type of girl. I’m planning on coming back to New York and I don’t want to screw up before .
Age: 24
City: San Fransisco
State: California

He said nice stuff and I could truly see he wasn’t a jerk.

Oh? And how did you determine this? because he sent you text messages and said flirty things? He cancelled your date and lied about why. That is the very definition of a jerk.

This guy was always going to bail. Know how I know that? He lived in New York City. where there is no shortage of options for men. He doesn’t have to leave this island to get a girlfriend. You were only in town for a few days, he figured he’d meet you and take you out and possibly have sex with you. Then, when something better came along or because he decided it wasn’t worth the effort, he sent you a message telling you something suddenly came up. Then Peter and Greg started tossing the football around in the yard and Marcia ended up getting hit in the face.

While you very well may have gotten clingy, it’s probably because you sensed he was pulling away or all was not it seemed. I know that whenever I felt anxious about a guy and needed to confirm he was genuine or not blowing me off, that’s when the neediness came out. And that was usually because I sensed on some level that he was, in fact, blowing me off or full of it.

This guy is full of it. He was always going to pull the plug eventually. When you got clingy, you gave him the out he needed and he took it. Now it can be your fault he lost interest. Only it’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault, per se. This was an inevitable.

There’s nothing to prove here. He just wasn’t that interested from the start. Texting you and maybe getting some nude shots or sexts or phone sex was a fun distraction. That’s it. It was never going to be anything more than that. Leave it alone and walk away.

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Wednesday, July 2, 2014