And That's Why You're Single |
| Is “Too Busy” Really A Thing? #atwys Posted: 01 Jul 2014 02:38 PM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Daisy I moved back home to be closer to family and ended a looooong relationship that just wasn’t going anywhere. After about six months of being single, I started online dating and have met some awesome people. There is one guy in particular who I’m very interested in, and we’ve had three dates over the period of a month (two in the first week, and then one about four weeks later). No sex, just making out (and great talks – we have a lot in common), but there is very little communication in-between the dates (going up to a week without hearing from him). He claims he’s very busy (he works two full time jobs) and I am inclined to believe him. Is there a way you can suggest that I bring up the fact that I would like him to reach out more when we’re apart without sounding needy or clingy or naggy? Or is it just way too early for that and should I take a back seat and let it play itself out? I don’t want to be the one reaching out if he’s not that into me, and every time we’ve gone out, he’s made the effort to ask me out, but I’m getting a lot of really aggressive/assertive feedback from other guys and wondering if the fact that he’s NOT being so communicative is a sign that he’s really not interested. I think the best way to go about this is to initiate the communication yourself. I know that it’s way more enjoyable when the other person reaches out first. It makes us feel more secure, etc. But I don’t think the onus should be on him just because he’s the guy. Where I would be concerned is that it took almost a month before the two of you could get together for a third date. Not only does that hint at possible schedule incompatibility, but it would absolutely make me switch gears and detach a bit and go into casual dating mode. Even my busiest of friends with stressful jobs manage to schedule dates with people they like at least once a week. If this guy is that short on time, I’m not sure he’s going to be able to deliver much if anything going forward. At least for now. You’re going to need a lot of patience with this one. As for the other guys you’re meeting online, it’s safe to assume that the aggressive/assertiveness they are displaying has quite a bit to do with pulling out all the stops in order to get the sexytime. If they haven’t slept with you yet, that’s a biug reason why they’re so proactive. That doesn’t mean they are all going to fade once you sleep together, but I will bet many of them will scale back on their efforts once they sex has been had. Lots of guys are always eager to get things moving when they’re looking for sex. You can’t use pre-sex behavior as a baseline. (I’m assuming that you haven’t slept with these other guys. I could be wrong.) As for the guy that you like, just start texting him every once in a while and ask him how he’s doing. Someone has to take the lead. He could be thinking what you’re thinking and not want to seem too clingy. Though I’m not sure that’s the issue. It sounds like he’s quite busy. He might not be as attentive because he knows whatever he can offer is pretty limited and doesn’t want to encourage unreachable expectations. Psst! Like our new Facebook page, please?   
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