And That's Why You're Single |
- Why It’s Important To Think Before You Type
- What’s The Deal With The Protected Posts?
- Why Is He Having So Much Trouble Getting Dates?
| Why It’s Important To Think Before You Type Posted: 23 Oct 2013 03:09 PM PDT Name: Julie My question- I have been raised by my grandmother who said, if I man likes you, you don’t have to wonder. And if you are wondering then, he doesn’t. Other friends have also echoed similar sentiments, regardless of busy schedules, if a man likes you he will make time. But the thing is- this guy had a crush on me for weeks and was afraid to ask me out, then we did hang and had a wonderful time, and he did several sweet, thought things thereafter– I am uber confused by this behavior. I have decided to back way off and just wait to hear from him, but don’t know if should be just backing off or walking away. And normally knowing when to walk away is pretty clear to me, so any advice would be beyond appreciated. Thank you. The night before I left, he came over to my place with a little gift, which was thoughtful and we hung out for an hour. Nothing physical other than a kiss good-bye. I thought this was super nice and respectful. See, to me, that’s a red flag. Of course you thought it was nice and respectful. That’s always where women go when men appear to not be interested in sex. That’s why they do it. If I’ve started sleeping with someone, and he comes over, we’re having sex. Why? Because I’m attracted to him and I like him. My guess is that, because there was no sex, he lost interest in the time that you were away. But that would mean that he was only moderately interested in the first place. All that other stuff about how he was nervous in front of you and how he was harboring a crush was likely in your head, and was only cemented when he acted all shocked when you said you’d been waiting for him to ask you out. You’re taking little bits of behavior and coming up with your own story. You have no idea what he was thinking or feeling. Even if he tells you he was crushing on you, you still won’t know if that’s true. You need time to establish a baseline of someone’s behavior. Three dates isn’t enough. That’s why you have to take each interaction on an individual basis until you have a complete picture. Really? He didn’t know that you were interested in him when you invited him out to hang with you and your friends? Okay. I suppose that’s possible. Men can be somewhat dense about that stuff. I find admissions like that a bit disingenuous, to tell you the truth. Mostly because they usually are. It’s a way to rev up the engines. The nail in the coffin for him, I’m sure, was the aloof, “See ya ’round town, bruh” text. Yep, that was a boo boo. As tempting as it is to give in to whatever you’re feeling in the moment, you have to maintain your composure. That reason they’re giving you about why they haven’t followed up just might be true. Everybody needs that opportunity to prove themselves to be honest. If he was on the fence, which I think he was, then you pushed him right over with that message. If you’re upset, walk away from the phone or computer until you’re not. This is why I HATE phone calls that deliver such news. I realize that some people think it polite or “the right thing” to call, but personally I find it counter-productive. I’m trapped in a situation and can’t react the way I want and forced to be amenable. Worse is when you try to excuse yourself from the situation over and over and the person on the other end of the phone just refuses to acknowledges your cues. Text is best. We all need that moment to decompress. To me this all sounds like he just wasn’t terribly interested from the start or lost interest after a few dates when he got to know you and determined he wasn’t interested enough to take things further. That happens, and it’s every man and woman’s right to make that decision for themselves. |
| What’s The Deal With The Protected Posts? Posted: 23 Oct 2013 07:35 AM PDT I’ve been getting a number of emails from readers asking for access to the posts marked Protected. I hope readers will understand that I only grant access to those posts to people I know in real life. What’s mainly being discussed is my father’s probate case and the drama that has resulted. There have been developments over the last two weeks that have severely complicated matters. More recently, I revealed that my sister’s health has taken an unfortunate turn and, as of yesterday, she is now under hospice care. Given everything that has happened in the last 18 months, what with losing my Dad and step-mom and the resulting issues concerning my father’s estate and subsequently hers, I need an outlet that is just for me and where I feel I can speak freely. Thank you in advance for understanding.
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| Why Is He Having So Much Trouble Getting Dates? Posted: 23 Oct 2013 06:38 AM PDT Name: Walter I was hoping you could help me or at least point me in the right direction. All my friends are either married or at least headed that way. I am not necessarily looking for marriage at this second, but it would be nice to go on a date for once. -Setting up different profiles that are completely different from each other and seeing which ones do better (fail) I don’t get it. I have literally messaged 1000′s of girls over the past 3-4 years and gotten maybe a dozen (not lying) responses. The ones that I do get usually don’t go anywhere. I do follow you advice and my messages ( i think ) are a great blend of showing interest (but not too much), humor and are clear that I am ultimately looking for a mate. Despite my lack of success I keep trying. The only technique that ‘kinda’ works is using the ‘Locals’ (Tinder style ‘Hot or Not’). I have been logging on every few hours and ‘Liking’ every girl. I do get matches from time to time and I message them. While 99% of them don’t reply. I do get a polite (rude) response every once in a while. Honesty this inability to attract mates is really destroying me inside (not to sound dramatic). While I have plenty of time to work on my career, I am missing out on an important part of life. Since I am being honest, I do find myself hanging out at strip club sometimes. Believe it or not, I do not go their to fulfill a physical need (with contact and lap dances) I just want to communicate to with opposite sex and its easy there (unlike my real world struggles). While those girls are not who I want to date, it is a good place to practice without being judged. Even if I have to give them money (or buy them drinks) its better than being alone all the time. So in summary, I am a real challenge. I have tried may of the techniques talked about on your sites an others…nothing works. Can you help me before I go insane ? I am often told that I have ‘bold friendliness,’ which is a trait that I would think would help me in the dating world. Let’s start here. The phrase “bold friendliness” is a back handed compliment. Women don’t seem to trust or really like me. And here again is another tell. Women don’t trust you and people describe you as bold. To me, that says that you come on too strong and appear to have a chip on your shoulder. You could be being perceived as aggressive, which is a tough thing to overcome. I would have to look at your profile and emails to get a better sense of what you’re doing and saying. You’re listing out all the things you’ve tried to no avail to meet women, but I’m not sure your perception of things is accurate. That’s not an insult. I don’t think most people really understand the kind of impressions they make. To not have any luck with online dating really only says that the person using it is likely doing something that is impeding their experience. Making it more difficult is that you already have no faith in the process. If you think online dating isn’t successful for you, it won’t be. That’s a simple fact. When I read articles by people who can’t seem to catch a break when it comes to their love lives, I’m immediately suspicious. There’s a victim mentality involved with thinking like that. That, too, is going to prohibit your success. You’re trying way too hard, which is why you’re not garnering the results you would like. I can’t really give more insight until I see your profile.
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