And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 31 Oct 2013 10:41 AM PDT

Posted: 31 Oct 2013 05:58 AM PDT

Name: Kim
Comment: Hi Moxie,
I’ll try to keep this short – I can never get a 3rd date. Guys always seem to be interested in me on the first date, they’ll text and call until the second, they’re always respectful and inquisitive, and they’ll even seem to enjoy my company on the second, but then they become distant and uninterested, so no third date.
I’m not being extra clingy, but I am being nice and responsive to phone calls and texts, and generally making it clear if I’m interested. What’s happening? Do I need to “play the game” more? Am I getting too comfortable too quickly? Are second dates just litmus tests? How can I get myself out of this rut!?
Age: 27
City: Los Angeles
State: CA

I can’t speak to whether or not you’re doing something to spook these guys. I’m not clairvoyant. If you’re getting second dates than I will assume you’re not doing anything terribly offensive or off-putting.

Not getting a 3rd date is pretty common these days. With all the ways people have to meet someone offline and off, it makes sense that our attention spans are limited. Yes, I think many of these men are using the second date as a litmus test of sorts. They were moderately interested after the first date and decided to give things another go. After two dates they decide that there isn’t enough attraction or compatibility to take things further. Hence why you don’t get to the third date. That’s dating. That’s normal.

I think what you need to do is be more selective. I’ve remarked before that successful dating isn’t about how many dates you get. You don’t have to go out with everybody who asks. You won’t be tempting fate or screwing up love’s design by saying No. In fact, by being more choosey, you’ll experience fewer confusing situations, thereby preserving your energy and avoiding the burn out. You don’t want to become one of those people who announce dating breaks. Nothing says, “I’ve been rejected more times than I can count” than that. Dating detoxes are for sad sacks who can’t get out of their own way who want other people to quit so they don’t feel as bad about their bad luck. Online provides so many opportunities for us to meet people we ordinarily wouldn’t meet. But it also lulls us into this false sense of confidence that there will always be a selection of folks ready and waiting for us to date. The end result of that kind of thinking is that people go on dates and have a great time and then wonder if there’s someone better out there.

As a commenter said recently, if it’s a relationship that you want you need to hone in on the guys who don’t have a ton of options. That doesn’t mean you have to go for guys you’re not attracted to or interested in. You just need to scale back on trying to win over the In Demand Guy. Those guys can afford to be too picky and often are. You know the guys I’m talking about. We all do. You can go out with those guy, just don’t attach any expectations to them. If you really want to get past the second date then you need to spend time with men who don’t have as many women from which to choose. You know who those guys are, too.

Forget those guys “that you’re curious about.” Avoid the ones who delay meeting or prefer to chat online over meeting. Those two guys are classic In Demand Guys. Focus on the guys who seem available and willing to meet. Most importantly, value your time and emotional well-being. That, more than anything else, will help guide you when determining if someone is date-worthy.

It’s okay not to have a date every week, or even every other week. It doesn’t make you a loser. You need to find a happy medium between being open to meeting people outside your comfort zone and accepting every offer that is extended to you.

Attract Girls Now

Thursday, October 31, 2013

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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