Friday, October 4, 2013

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

The Quickie – The Things Men Do/Say Just To Get Laid

Posted: 04 Oct 2013 08:03 AM PDT


Name: Dianeconfwomenz

Comment: I met this guy online a while ago, and at this point enough stuff has happened that I’ll just provide a list of things that I like and things that worry me.

Things I like:
- he lives 2 hours away, but offered to drive up to take me out to dinner for our first meeting
- he says he likes talking to me, and indeed we text a lot and talk a lot about subjects I would consider deep
- he pays for everything
- last time, he blew off plans with his best friend to have dinner with me
- he always replies promptly

Things that worry me:
- he isn’t so keen on driving up anymore. He told me on our first date that he was curious if the person behind the online profile was real, so I guess now that he’s sated that curiosity, I’m not that attractive anymore.
- he has texted me barely at all since the last date
- he never makes future plans
- he asked me down to his place, but never said when exactly
- leaving, he thanked me for the wonderful time and said, “see you around”. I took that to mean that it’s over, so I was very surprised when he texted me a couple days later.

I’m pretty insecure, so obviously I’m trying to send some mixed signals myself. I don’t reply to him when I feel like he doesn’t want to continue the conversation, I don’t text first after a date, and I’m doing my best to appear non-clingy and non-committal. I don’t share personal information. I can recall a few times when I came off as rude.

But I don’t understand why he’d be so attentive yet refuse to drive up to see me. I understand that he works, hates driving, and has a busy schedule, but he summoned the strength to take me on that first date, right? I think I like this dude. I’m actually rather upset about this.

I texted him this week that I’ll be in his area for the weekend. He immediately offered to take me out. This time I won’t have time for both dinner and sex, so I guess that will determine if he’s going the motions for sex, but I guess I just want to know, is he not that into me, or is it me?
Age: 24
City: Hanover
State: NH

 

He was low on sexual options, which is why he made the effort to drive. He wasn’t curious to see if you were real. That was just a disingenuous compliment used to prime the pump. He was also offering a phony excuse for why he had to drive two hours to meet a woman rather than meet someone closer.  The last thing he wants you to know is that he can’t get laid locally. Also? He didn’t blow of plans with his friend. That was probably a lie to make you feel special, as most men are of the belief that women need to be able to justify having sex without commitment.

Just because he drives, pays, texts, etc doesn’t mean he’s genuinely interested. There are men with so much disposable income that they will fly across the country or even the world to get laid. None of these actions are indicative of genuine or long-lasting interest.

The first question you should have asked yourself is, “Why is this guy so eager to meet me when he lives so far away?” The next question you should have asked yourself is, “Why does he need to drive for 2 hours to meet women?” Then you should have wondered why he was making so much effort for someone he barely knows. This is all atypical behavior. This is not normal.

Since you didn’t make it a point to offer specifics, I’m guessing you’ve seen this guy once and that you slept with him on your first date. That’s the whole point of why men engage in extensive texting and invest this kind of time. They’re trying to build a sense of familiarity so that, when the time comes, you’ll be more willing to sleep with them.

This has nothing to do with you being too aloof or rude. This was always going to play out the way it did.

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