And That's Why You're Single

Why Do So Many Guys We Meet Online Want To Text ???

Posted: 01 Jan 2014 01:59 PM PST

Name: Nia
Comment: Hi

I’m an avid reader of this blog and find that your advice is on the money. I have done some revising of my “dating myths” and decided to put an add on a dating site recently. I did my best to show what I was bringing to the table, be feminine and upbeat, and include a few specific things so guys would have a topic to connect with me on.

I included 2 face shots, one half profile and one straight on, and a full body shot. (Fully body shot was not the best face pic, but as I’m both tall- 5’10″- and a size 14 I wanted to be real about what guys would be getting)

Well, an overwhelming response! I got about 100 responses in 24 hours. After weeding out the obvious “no’s” I followed a process where I asked for a photo nicely, (if he didn’t include one) then did one getting to know you email (if the guy’s response was very short or vague) and then moved to a coffee/wine/ beer- after- work date suggestion if he seemed at all reasonable.

So far, so good. 6 dates are on the books and I am very happy with the results.

One thing I wanted to ask about here is something I noticed.

Almost every guy that made it to the “set up a coffee date” stage agreed to a coffee date (in theory!) and then asked “Would you like to give me your number so we can text?” or “Here’s my number, you can text me.”

Honestly, I am not 100% “no” on texting, it just seems like a boondoggle. When you don’t know someone, how do you get to know them over SMS? What do you have to “text” about?

Is this their way of moving it to the fade? Is this a possible way to get the number so they can then do the dreaded 11 PM “hey girl, ‘sup?” text and circumvent the whole coffee or wine date thing? Have they been trained by other women that they have to pass a phone and texting “sh*t test” of some kind? So many questions.

I did politely and briefly explain “sure, I’m open to it, but I find it tends to take the wind out of our sails before meeting. Let’s save our conversation for a glass of wine.” Most guys were okay with it. Some just faded after that.

One guy told me he wouldn’t text, then he did anyway and said “I know I said I wouldn’t text but I was thinking of you and couldn’t resist.” ORLY? Well, color me skybluepink! That’s never happened in any of my relationships. Methinks I smell a rat.

From my perspective, texting is not conducive to actual dating. Am I missing the male perspective here? What are they after? Why the “do you wanna text?”
Age: 34
City: Denver
State: Colorado

I don’t think that asking for a phone number is necessarily a preclude to The Fade. It sounds like you’ve devised a smart litmus test to help you sniff out who the texting addicts might be. It’s possible that a lot of men assume that women require that phone step. Some others simply want to get off the site and take things to a different medium in order to communicate. And, yes, some people just like to play text hockey and trade dirty photos.

You were quite the smarty pants when your sensors went off when that guy sent you a text after telling you he sent a text. I assume you laid down a boundary when trading numbers and said you’d prefer not to text, but he did it anyway. Yep., That’s a red flag. If you tell someone that you don’t do A, B , or C and they ignore that, you’re right to run in the other direction.

As I’ve said before, it’s better to hold off giving your number until a date is set up. If the person you’re meeting suggests you trade numbers, you can say that there’s no need to do that but that you’ll send your number to him the day before the date. Some people just like to show that they’re being transparent by offering their number. If they offer you theirs, you are not obliged to respond in kind. You can just say, “Thanks! Looking forward to meeting you next Tuesday!”

It’s not a bad idea to say in your profile that you don’t exchange numbers with anybody until a date is set up. Lay down the expectations up front so people know what is reasonable to request or expect.

I’ll leave the rest for the men of our commentariat. They can probably offer more conclusive explanations.

Attract Girls Now

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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