Sunday, January 12, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

Dating Reality 101: If You Want Something From a Man, You Have to Ask For it

Posted: 12 Jan 2014 01:55 PM PST


Name: Ellawifegf

Comment: One of my closest friends happens to be a guy who several years ago tried to date me. I wasn’t interested back then, but a strong friendship evolved. I tried to warn him from dating some girls I knew were trouble, we talked about our respective relationships, life, everything. Over the past year, we became increasingly close. And in hindsight, I can see that he may have tried to move out of the dreaded friend zone a few times. Finally one night, after a few too many drinks together, we ended up sleeping together. And we continued to do so for a few months. We would both talk about how everyone else would tell us we should date each other, but neither of us ever tried to actually make the move.

The “benefits” eventually stopped (mainly bc I realized I was falling in love and got scared) but we have stayed close.  Recently, we met up and he got upset with me for leaving to meet up with another guy. Upset in a 7th grade, pouting/green-eyed monster way. My feelings for him continue to grow, but I don’t know how to tell him. I feel like the window on that has closed.

He recently began texting (sexting) me again, and we have fallen back into the fwb.  So you can imagine my SHOCK, when I just found out he has been dating someone for a few months. Not once has he mentioned this girl. Not once! I feel betrayed, used, confused. I certainly didn’t see this coming and I am not sure how to handle this or what could be going through his mind.

What the heck is his problem?!?! Anyone??
Age: 33
City: Chicago
State: Illinois

 

I’m not sure why you’re confused about what could be going through his mind. He’s having sex with two different women. He didn’t tell you because then eh would be having sex with two different women. He’s not even obligated to tell you that he’s sleeping with two different women. You’re not dating. Not only that, but you always had the ability to ask him if he was sleeping with anyone else. I don’t understand people who get all up in arms when they find out that someone they were casually hooking up with or even dating didn’t offer full disclosure, as though it’s solely their responsibility to do so.  If someone doesn’t like the idea of sleeping with someone who is sleeping with someone else, then they need to ask the questions necessary to get pertinent information. Of course someone isn’t going to just offer that information up. Why would they?

If you have feelings for this guy, then you need to speak up and say something. It’s really that simple. I don’t know why you would tell him you were meeting up with another guy unless you were trying to get a reaction out of him. In which case, you both handled the situation in an immature fashion.

Both of you are spending in inordinate amount of time creating conflict and drama instead of just sacking up and laying your respective cards on the table. Forget about all the passive ways to try and open the conversation about how you each really feel. Talking about how “everybody” thinks you should date is just a back-door way to actually discuss the possibility of dating.

Enough with the dance. Talk to him about it or walk away and let him be on his merry way. What’s going on in his mind is irrelevant. There’s no such thing as mind-reading. Nobody can do the hard work for you. If you want it and you think he’s worth it then you have to take the risk. But before you do that, make sure you are actually going to follow through on this and that you’re not just trying to play out some rom com fantasy. Are you sure you want to date him? Then put it out there. The worst he can say is no.

Share
Posted by at

No comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)