And That's Why You're Single

Do Your Coupled Friends Concern Troll You?

Posted: 24 Jan 2014 06:10 AM PST

Name: Josie (Revised)

:
Comment: I’ve been friends with this woman since high school. She's never had a boyfriend, and I haven't been single in ages, so she seeks my advice on dating and I try my best to help, but I think I might have been saying the wrong things to her all along.

Her background: She has a lot of close male friends and has a tendency to develop crushes on them. From what she tells me, they all seemed to be interested, yet none have ever asked her out and she has no idea why. She also says she doesn't understand how our other girlfriends land great guys so easily, but not her.

Recently, she asked for my opinion on whether another of her male friends might be interested in her; although, she said she would never seriously date him because he was "too nerdy" for her.

Given her background that I just described, I was at a loss. So I asked a few of my male friends who know her what they thought, dating-wise. They said she doesn't have much going for her: she's almost 30, still living with her parents, has a low income, is a little awkward and is overweight whereas the rest of us girls are pretty, smart, good careers, have moved out, are slim… I was surprised because I assumed that guys, especially her guy friends, would eventually overlook her 'negative traits' given that they know she is a good person.

Then it dawned on me that maybe she has a skewed self-perception and goes for guys out of her league, while thinking guys in her league (i.e. her 'nerdy' friend) are beneath her. If I was surprised by my male friends' assessment, I have a feeling she probably would be too.

So my question is, do you think it's probable that in general she's going after guys "out of her league"? I've met some of her male friends and don't think they are out of her league—so could it be that they are also going for women out of their league too, and thus haven't gone for my friend?
Age: 29
City: New York
State: New York

Here’s the main question that comes to my mind as I read both versions of the letter you submitted.

Why are you so invested in the answer to this?

My second question that pops into my head as I read both your messages is:

How do you think your friend would feel if she knew you submitted this? Embarrassed? Hurt? Humiliated? I know that’s how I’d feel.

I have no idea if you’re friend is going for guys out of her league. I’ve never met her, nor have I met her friends. You didn’t even paint any kind of picture of either group, which truly makes me wonder if you just want to hear me say that your poor, sad chubby friend bats out of her league.

Attract Girls Now

Friday, January 24, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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