Wednesday, January 8, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

How Does She Get Men To Stop Wanting To Have Sex With Her?

Posted: 08 Jan 2014 02:32 PM PST


Name: Brittanywomansitting
Question: My question is: how do I get men to stop objectifying me?  I do not dress provocatively nor do I talk about sex. I give no indication that I’m looking for a sexual relationship yet every man I meet just seems to be blatantly after sex and fade when they don’t get it. I feel the need to tell them upfront that I’m not having sex with them for a long time but I think saying that even if I don’t necessarily mean it won’t really weed anyone out and will in fact present a challenge they turn into a game. I actually had a guy tell me he couldn’t fully connect to me until we’ve had sex. He had to go. I literally go after average looking guys who appear to be the “nice guy” who men always claim finishes last. But they all seem to think they are sex gods lol.
Age: 26
State:

 

I’m not sure that all of these men that you’re meeting are objectifying you. A desire to have sex with someone isn’t necessarily a bad or negative thing. A lot of men and women date with the intention of having sex. That’s a natural and acceptable reason to what to be in a relationship. Steady and consistent sex is a reasonable expectation and want when trying to find someone with whom you can settle down. You seem paranoid that every guy you meet just wants to have sex with you, which in turn is making you judge at least some of these guys unfairly.

I actually had a guy tell me he couldn’t fully connect to me until we’ve had sex.

And he would not be the first or only man to feel that way. Just because you get all eye rolley at an admission like that doesn’t mean it’s not valid. Here’s another case of a man being honest (supposedly) and women not wanting to hear their truth. Sex is a two way street. It’s not just about you. For many people – again, this isn’t specific to one gender – sex seals the emotional deal. You might think that it sounds like a lie or part of some game, but for many people this is an absolute reality.

I don’t think all of these men are peacing out because they were only after sex. I believe a lot of them are cutting their losses because they don’t want to deal with your need to make them prove themselves worthy. You’ve got it in your head that if a guy tries to get laid, he’s suspect. They’re picking up on that and moving it along.

I literally go after average looking guys who appear to be the “nice guy” who men always claim finishes last. But they all seem to think they are sex gods lol.

Well, what does that tell you? That tells me that the desire for sex is universal and not exclusive to players. I think a big part of your challenge is that you have very specific ideas and opinions about men who want sex. I don’t doubt that some of these guys are blatantly just trying to get you into bed with no intention of pursuing anything else. But I would bet many of them are just trying to move the relationship along by taking things to a sexual level. That’s a normal progression in relationships. That doesn’t mean they’re bad guys.

I’m going to say to you what I say to every woman who writes in with this dilemma. Make your interest known in other ways while you get comfortable with the direction of the relationship. If a guy is genuinely interested, he’ll acknowledge the gestures you’re making and stick around awhile, depending on his options and interest level. The typical, non-playerish guy doesn’t mind waiting as long as he feels like the woman is sincerely interested in him. It’s when he thinks that the woman is playing games or expecting the him to jump through hoops that he walks away.

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