And That's Why You're Single |
| Are You Afraid That Nobody Wants You? Posted: 17 Jan 2014 06:57 AM PST Name: Kev I get the feeling, no one wants me hey fine it works for me
The rejection that comes from online dating can be incredibly disheartening. You send out message after message and hear nothing back. The messages you do get are from people you have no interest in dating. Most of them aren’t even people you would give a chance because they are so far outside your desired criteria. I go stretches where I get zero – and I mean – zero responses to my emails. Over the holidays I went through my sent messages and realized that not one of the men I contacted replied back to me. Even though I know that there are countless reasons why someone wouldn’t reply back, like maybe it was the holidays and people were traveling, what I took from that was that nobody wanted me. That’s a tape that I play in my head. But the thing is, that thought didn’t start with online dating. That was a thought I’ve had in my head, probably since childhood. When I would experience rejection, that’s where my mind went. I guess it’s something that has always echoed in my head. Online dating didn’t create that thought. It just triggers it. The last 2 months were exceptionally hard for me. Between the infighting with my sisters, getting dumped and feeling as though I was at a bit of a cross-roads career-wise, I spent a lot of time in the shame chamber. As far as I’ve come in how I’ve improved in various aspects of my life, I still felt a tremendous amount of torment. Why wasn’t I more organized and responsible? Why was I so combative? Why didn’t I get it? Why am I so intolerant of things? Why am I so analytical? Why aren’t I getting the same success as others? I do not forgive myself easily. The self-loathing creeps up slowly until it consumes me. Having my nephew throw something from my past (the bj classes) in my face was where it started. I look back at who I was as a person, a woman, a partner, and a writer and I actually feel nauseous. I’ve sat at my desk and dry heaved. I watch as my sister stays in that place of being irresponsible and want to shake her. When I broach the topic of her finances, it’s an onslaught of insults. How dare you judge me, she says. You were no different, she says. And to some degree she was right. I see her struggle with coming to terms that we no longer had that safety net called Dad. And now that I am an owner of her home, she doesn’t seem to understand why I am so on top of her about money. I’ve spent years cleaning up my messes. I ‘m not going to lose all of that. But she doesn’t get it. There are days when I look at my Dad’s picture and say, “Why did you do this?” Other nights I lie awake and wonder how my step-mother could have done what she did and what it meant and whether it was all a lie. I don’t talk much about my anxiety issues because I’m fearful of being judged. When I experience a cluster of triggers, I can spend several weeks to months living in my head. I get fearful and insecure. I feel raw. I self-isolate because I don’t want anybody to see through the facade, which only makes the anxiety worse. I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety as a kid. Yes, I’ve been like this since around age 7. Sorry to go off on a tangent. My point was to explain that telling yourself something like nobody wants you is probably the worst thing you can do when you’re trying to find a relationship. Pretty soon you’ll believe it and act accordingly. It’s not that nobody wants you. It’s that the people you want appear to not want you. Plenty of people want you. You just don’t like them back. You have to be careful of distorting the truth like this. Maybe it’s time to broaden your horizons a bit and open yourself up to different types of people. Go out and socialize and meet people just for the sake of meeting them. Make connections. Most importantly, change the voice in your head.
|
| You are subscribed to email updates from And That's Why You're Single™ To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
| Google Inc., 20 West Kinzie, Chicago IL USA 60610 | |
No comments:
Post a Comment