Name: Aly
Comment: Hi, so there is this guy… We met when I younger since our parents are from the same town. 5 years ago I took his virginity and since then there was a little bit of flirting over the years. I have always had a crush on him but never knew how he felt because he is so shy and isn’t easy to read. We have the same group of friends so we always hang out together when we are both in town. During winter we all hung out and I had just recently broken up with my boyfriend. We went out drinking at a bar together with all of our friends and the next day he texted asking if I had fun, I didn’t think much of it other than that it was random because he usually never messages me. The conversation lasted a short while and then a few days later we all went out drinking again on New Years Eve. We sat together at the bar the whole entire night and went to an after party together at one of our friends place. At first I was sitting with one of our mutual friends, that friend went up to go to the bathroom and the guy that I am into came and sat next to me. He put his arm around me and we just laughed and sang to songs and had fun and cuddled a bit. Then I realized what time it was and said I had to go, he said he had to leave as well. Once we were outside we agreed to take a walk together, as he was walking me to my place I started speaking to him about things I never had the courage to say. Since I had a little too many drinks I was okay saying it though. I asked him if he wanted to come home with me, and then he asked me if I wanted him to, I made him answer first and he said yes. I said he couldn’t though because I was so drunk and I was recently single. As I was going to walk down to my place he says can I have a hug? I go in for the hug and he starts kissing me. Then the next day he texts me again asking how I am feeling, this conversation also ends quick because I didn’t want to come on too strong so I tried to play it cool. Two days later we met again at a friends house, this time we were sober and all just hanging out. I send a text asking if he wants to go somewhere. Later that night we go on a drive, he takes me up a beautiful mountain and we start kissing and one thing led to another and we were then having sex. The night ended with a kiss. Now that vacation is over we have both left. He said he was coming to visit where I live soon because he has family and friends there. I just spoke to him today asking how he was and to let him know I was going on a trip so it would be nice if he could plan his trip to where I live before that. He hasn’t replied yet. Since we have left this is the first time we have spoken. His answers are short. I can’t seem to figure out if he is interested. I know he isn’t the type of guy to sleep with a lot of girls or use girls for sex. Please help me figure this out. I just want to know if he is into me or not.
Age: 25
City: LA
State: California
I think this is a case of a vacation fling and nothing more. Maybe he really is planning a trip to your city. Maybe he’s not. He could have just said that to make the situation seem less one night standish. What you know is that his response time and reactions have changed now that you and he are far apart.
You might be romanticizing this scenario a bit because you took his virginity. You also might be assuming that, since he was shy and inexperienced 5 years ago, that means he still is now. I hate to say this to you, but it sounds like this guy has gotten up to speed when it comes to hooking up. Since you and he have a history, there would be less effort involved with having sex with you again as opposed to, say, trying to bed a woman he hasn’t already slept with. Due to the shortness of the winter break, he didn’t have the time to romance someone. With you, he didn’t have to do much to get you comfortable. It was familiar and effortless.
I don’t want to frame it as though he played you. I don’t think he was being malicious. Where he is lacking is in his communication skills. He still hasn’t mastered how to be clear about his intentions. He still resides in that place where many people live where they just say nothing and hope things won’t turn ugly.
There you are thinking he’s so reserved and awkward. Of course you’re going to think it means more than it did. To him, though, I think it was a casual vacation hook-up and little more. Yeah, he might come to town and hook-up with you again, but it’s unlikely it will mean anything beyond that.
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