And That's Why You're Single |
| Why Are These Guys So Eager To Commit? Posted: 07 Jan 2014 06:14 AM PST Name: Nicole Last month I went out a few times with a guy who started using the words “girlfriend” and “relationship” after our first date. I ended things with him after 3 dates, though not because of this – we didn’t have a lot in common and the physical attraction wasn’t overwhelming. (He emailed several times wanting to “talk about it” and “save our relationship”.) Yesterday I had an amazing first date with a different man – we talked for 3 hours over brunch and shared a long good-bye kiss. We planned another date for this week. He said he was so excited to have found me – and that he was happy to finally be able to delete his OKC profile. I’m looking for something long-term, and I don’t usually date more than one person at a time. But I don’t feel the need to tell men that on a first date. And I realize that it takes more than a few hours to decide if you want a relationship with someone. So what’s going on here? Are these guys just saying what they think I need to hear before I’ll have sex with them? Do they just want to able to say they have a girlfriend? Or are there some men who don’t bother hiding their enthusiasm when they meet a woman they like? These guys are attractive, successful, and seemed confident on our dates. But they are both also busy professionals and divorced with kids, so it’s possible that they don’t date much and a few dates feels like a big deal to them. I know not to take any of this too seriously. At this stage, the most a man could possibly commit to is dating me exclusively while we figure out if we’re compatible. I’m just curious as to WHY someone would announce even that level of commitment so quickly. I don’t want to get invested in a guy who’s only looking for sex or an ego boost… But I don’t want to overreact and run from every decent guy who actually wants a relationship!
You’re right to question the motives of these men. There are a few reasons why these guys might be so forthcoming about their interest level and plans to delete their profile. Most of those reasons aren’t particularly good. It’s also possible that you’re misinterpreting what some of these admissions mean. The man who said he was excited to finally be able to delete his profile may have just been saying that he was anxious to stop using the site. That comment may not have had anything to do with you or how he felt about you. The uncomfortable reality is that if you’re looking for a serious relationship, then you probably shouldn’t immediately dismiss guys like this. Yes, they might be over-zealous, but they’re also looking for what you are looking for. Those men hold a much higher return on investment than the guys who don’t share their internal dialogue. Few people want to hear this, but the people online in our age range (35+) who want relationships will probably possess qualities that turn us off. If they’re bombarded with options then it’s less likely that they’re as anxious to jump into something serious. The people with all the options will either explore all those options and eventually choose (which could take some time) or realize that the odds are in their favor and just hang back and enjoy their plethora of possibilities. As a friend recently said to me, some people just don’t know when to fold a good hand. Others, like the ones you appear to frequently be meeting, are almost chomping at the bit to cash in their chips.The true question is whether they are going all in indiscriminately. I think you should see some of these dates through in order to determine if these guys are desperate or if they’re just unafraid to make their intentions known. |
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