And That's Why You're Single |
| Dating Profile Review – Women Want a Man, Not a Boy Posted: 13 Jan 2014 02:31 PM PST Name: BK So I recently just started this online dating thing after I saw that one of my friends had some pretty good success on it. So here’s my thing I’m still kind of new to online dating and I understand it takes a lot of patience and less emotional attachment if things go wrong. But here’s my problem I think I’ve seen about at least 20-30 messages by now with no one responding to me. I’ve tried the usual hi, to more casual greetings like howdy or what’s up, and I usually follow up with something I noticed about their profile and similar interests I could relate to. After that I would say something along the lines of if you’re interested in me as well message me back. Here’s my profile and I was wondering if you could give me some tips on how to improve it and maybe some tips also on how I should send messages to women that I am interested in. First, your primary photo is of you and another friend. A lot of women will click on that thumbnail thinking they’re going to see the other guy’s profile, not yours. Your primary photo should be of you and you alone and it should be just a close up shot of your face. The second thing that struck me is that you appear to be hunching in all of your photos or the shots are taken at a bit of a distance. Between that and the fact that you have that primary photo with your friend where you’re considerably shorter, a casual observer will wonder if you are lying about your height. You’re are clearly trying to mask it in some way, which just makes it that much more suspicious. 5’9″ is a pretty average height. You shouldn’t look that much shorter than your friend. My guess is that you’re lying about your height. I’d say you’re about 5’7″ or so, give or take an inch. Your About Me summary isn’t terribly engaging. You don’t need to repeat that you are an Asian man with black hair. We can see that in the photos. That section is to introduce yourself to your audience. This area is for you to give people a peek inside your mind and give them an idea of your personality. All I hear throughout your profile is that there are all these things you want to do, but very little that you have actually done. Nerdy is okay. In fact, nerdy is kind a hot to a lot of women. Awkward, though, isn’t. And you come off awkward. Like you try too hard. That’s going to turn a lot of women off. The impression of you that I get is that you’re slightly immature. Lose the photos of you with the overstuffed frog, get rid of photos where you’re making the peace sign, lose the pics of you “goofing” with your friend by putting your arm on his head. Women want a man, not a boy. You come off childish. You need 3 or 4 photos. One full face, one full body and two social/active shots. Don’t use so many of you and your friends. One of those is fine, but you have about four of them. Your profile is really bare and full of vague statements. Don’t tell people you like to learn new things. Share times when you’ve learned something new and what that involved. Where would you like to travel and why? What cultures fascinate you the most and why? You need to punch up your life a bit and make it sound like you have stuff going on. You don’t have to lie. You just need to be more specific. Go back to the Details section and fill in every slot. You don’t have to state your income. You can select rather not say. Just select an option. The more of those options you fill in, especially income, the more searches will include your profile. People do all kinds of searches based on various criteria. You need to have all of those boxes filled or else you’ll be left out of searches. Now for your questions. Make private all of your sex questions. All of them the answer you have now will lead people to wonder about your sexuality. Saying that you sometimes feel guilty after sex is going to be a red flag. Admitting that hearing a potential match has had more than 14 sexual partners makes you uncomfortable will also be held against you. As will the fact that you admitted you had a sexual experience with someone of the opposite sex. I know, I KNOW. It’s total bullshit that women can experiment and guys think it’s hot but that we don’t give men the same consideration. I have no issues with dating someone bisexual, nor do I care what they’ve done in the past with whom. But I don’t get the feeling you’re looking to date someone sex-positive. In fact, I get the sense that you want someone who is marginally experienced. Which really speaks to your own hang ups about sexuality. You also contradict yourself. If your match had more than 14 partners that would make you uncomfortable, but when asked if there is such a thing is having too many sex partners you say no. Wut? Make up your mind. You’re all over the place here, especially in regards to sex and sexuality. Something is off, and that kind of inconsistency would make me abandon your profile. The sense that I get from you is that you’re still trying to figure yourself out. That sort of vibe is going to be picked up by a lot of women who read your profile. The initial emails should be brief and not contain questions. People will often respond and answer the questions just to be nice. I would bet that many of these scenarios we hear about where people talk about men and women fading on them mid-email exchange are because the person responding to them was never interested in the first place. Here’s a sample of a good initial email:
Keep it short, don’t try to be funny or cool or sexy, and close with a clear directive. Email me back if you think we might be a match. Avoiding the compliments and having a clear sign-off will help you avoid the people who respond just out of boredom, politeness or who want attention.
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