And That's Why You're Single |
| How Much “Crazy” Can Someone Handle? Posted: 26 Jan 2014 03:08 PM PST Name: Kelly I want to text him, but I see know he is not the type to respond to that, but it’s so hard not to when I’m so upset. Okay. You need to take a step back. Yes, there are some issues at work here that are going to end up pushing this guy away if you don’t get a handle on them. I’ve spoken of my anxiety issues before, but something you said has me thinking this story might relate. When my anxiety gets triggered, I experience certain behaviors. For example, I’ll pay a bill online, but have to go back to that statement several times to make sure I paid it correctly. On a regular day when my anxiety isn’t in full force, which is 90% of the time, I’d pay it and forget it. But if I’ve been triggered, it will cause me to confirm and reconfirm something. (No, it’s not OCD.) The root of this is still being sussed out in therapy. I’ve experienced some irrational fears since childhood. Even though my rational mind knows I paid that bill, I will come up with all the possible errors that I could have made or that could happen to cause that bill not to be paid. It’s a trip, of reals. Now, obviously, my anxiety isn’t about paying a bill. There’s more to it. There always is. There’s a whole sub-set of causes and experiences that have contributed to it. Your anxiety about this guy bailing isn’t really about this guy. Your reaction to his reinforcement and responses are just outliers to the real problem. And until you get to the bottom of that, you’re going to continue to do it. Your “crazy” isn’t all that atypical. To a relatively experienced person, quirks like this are somewhat normal. Where the problem comes in is how often someone has to deal with this behavior. So, as long as this isn’t one incident in a string of episodes, you should be fine. But if you’re constantly pushing this guy for answers, you can bet he’ll back off. Right now, you need to stop contacting him and let him follow up with you. Your feelings aren’t his responsibility. That’s what you need to remember. You need to own your anxieties and fears. He’s not making you anxious. You are. My sister has this precious habit of asking me to explain something, and then asking again 20 minutes later, and then asking again the next day. It drives me absolutely bat shit, because I make a concerted effort to explain situations are clearly as possible. In her case, I’m convinced it’s because she’s so consumed by how things affect her that she doesn’t retain anything that doesn’t relate to her. This guy appears to be answering your questions, but you might not be hearing him because you’re so consumed with your own thoughts and needs that you’re not listening to him. I’ll tell another story. So, several years ago i dated somebody who did the , “I really want to see you but I’m soooo busy thing.” In my gut I knew he was being disingenuous. But I wanted to believe him so I hung in there. The conflict between what I knew was probably going on versus what I wanted created all kind of unsuredness and insecurity with me. Getting together was way more important to me than it was for him because I didn’t create other options for myself. Fast forward to several months ago when I met someone else. He, too, gave the “I really want to get together soon/I’ve been thinking about you/Things are really crazy” responses. Nope. This time around I just replied and said I understood, talk soon, etc. I knew this was going absolutely no where. I also knew he was saying things to be polite and kind. There was no inner conflict to contend with because I just accepted the reality of the situation. He just wasn’t that interested. I answered the question myself. I didn’t need him to do it. You want an answer to your question. He can’t give it to you. You don’t hear that. You still want your answer. Do you see the problem? You want reassurance so that you don’t have to sit and worry, when you have all the power you need to not panic. In most cases I would say that we can choose not to worry or panic. However, in cases where there might be actual issues with anxiety, it’s not as easy. For some of us, it’s more difficult. But it can be done. You need to work on your ability to wait things out even when you don’t have all the answers.
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| Teleclass – Avoid Online Dating Burnout, Get More Messages & Make Better Matches Posted: 26 Jan 2014 12:05 PM PST If you've dated online for any amount of time, you've quickly learned that it's a time consuming and sometimes frustrating process. You send out ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ $20 – REGISTER HERE: https://mastermatchandokcupid.eventbrite.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's where I come in. My job is to help you avoid the common pit falls involved with the OKCupids and Match.coms of the internet. This 45-60 minute session will get you up to speed on: · How to get more views to your profile o Why you need to fill out or complete all fields pertaining to your basic details o The importance of key words, which is fast becoming a popular way for people to find more suitable/compatible matches o Profile maintenance and why it needs to be done regularly · Picture selection o How many photos should I use? o What types of pictures should I post? o Why types of photos shouldn't I post? · How to craft the initial message to a potential match o How long should the messages be? o Why do so many people send messages like, "Hey" or "How are you?" o Things you should avoid in your initial emails o Why you should avoid asking questions in your initial introductory email. o Are the cut and paste messages really that bad? o Should you follow up with someone if they don't respond? · How to avoid online dating burn out o How many messages should be exchanged before an offline meeting is suggested? o Who should initiate scheduling a date? o The Texting Vortex and how to avoid it · The pros and cons of sending "cold call" messages to people who do not initiate some form if interest first. · How can I stop hearing from so many people I'm not interested in dating? We'll also leave 15 minutes at the end of the teleclass for specific questions from teleclass attendees. *Length of the teleclass depends on the size of the group. Plan for the teleclass to last about an hour. ADMISSION – $20 CALL IN DETAILS (NUMBER & PASSCODE) WILL BE INCLUDED IN YOUR ORDER CONFIRMATION ONCE YOU REGISTER
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messages and receive very few or even no responses. You get messages from people that fall well outside of your search criteria. It doesn't take long before you either delete your profile or give up.| You are subscribed to email updates from And That's Why You're Single® To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
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