And That's Why You're Single |
| How Do You Find Out If They’re Sleeping With Someone Else? Posted: 12 Mar 2014 02:20 PM PDT Name: Erin Here’s the thing. You could ask him and he could tell you he’s not sleeping with anyone else, but you have no proof that he’s telling the truth. None. If he wants to get laid, or if he really likes you, he’s probably going to lie if he’s smart. You know as well as I do that if he admits that he is sleeping with other people, you’re going to be pissed or hurt and it will lead to an argument. No matter how dead inside someone may be, no matter how much they say they wouldn’t care, they’d care. It’s a normal and natural and reaction to be bothered by such an admission. That’s why there is absolutely no point in asking him if he has other sexual partners. If you’re concerned about STDs, then ask for testing history, not sexual history, and use condoms. Again, you are not guaranteed you won’t contract an STI or STD. These people are not swearing under oath to tell the truth. There are no repercussions beyond the inevitable break-up that might occur. There’s no jail time, no financial liens, no nothing. To many people, breaking up isn’t the end of the world so they just shrug and say, “What the hell?” and go with it. That’s why all the drama that develops when these questions are asked are for naught. All you will be given is a bunch of words and a promise. What you’re trying to do is discern if this guy is dating other people and if he’s serious about you. You want to know where you stand with him. Again, totally fair question and you have a right to know if you need that information to proceed. That’s why the question should be about the direction of the relationship and not if he’s doing it with anybody else. Because, this just in, he could be doing it with someone else even when he’s committed to you. Again, you have no guarantees that he’s going to be faithful or that the relationship will last. The reason I am driving that point home is that, in order to take things to another level, you sometimes have to take a leap of faith and trust that no matter how it all shakes out, you’ll be okay. I’ll answer the question for you: is he sleeping with someone else? Probably. 7 dates and no sex? Yeah, there’s a really good chance he’s getting it somewhere else. That doesn’t mean he won’t cut that off if that’s what it’s going to take to keep you. He might. But the only way you’ll know is if you ask him the question you should be asking. Don’t use sex as the excuse to bring this up, as you’ll be perceived as using sex to get a guy to commit. No man in his thirties or older wants to deal with that. It’s an immature way to approach commitment. Also, nobody with a decent amount of options is committing without taking things for a sexual test drive. Sex is important, as is sexual compatibility. That’s not a shallow need. You’re attempting to use the promise of sex as a way to back into a bigger, more important, conversation. See, if you approach it that way you can say that you’re asking for sexual health reasons or use some other excuse for the conversation in order to avoid asking the tough question of where things are going. If you want him to commit to you, you need to ask for commitment. You might get it, you might not. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. But at least, either way, you’ll know. |
| The Solution To All Your Dating Problems Is Right Here Posted: 12 Mar 2014 06:45 AM PDT
This is probably the most profound thing ever said on this site. People lie and are generally out for themselves. This is a bitter pill to swallow for many, but swallow it you must. You also need to accept these not-so-easy-to-take truths: 1. Just because they have sex with you doesn’t mean they’re attracted to you 2. The reason they gave you for not wanting to see you again probably isn’t the truth. 3. No, they don’t want to be friends. 4. If they seem fantastic and amazing and you can’t believe they’re single, there’s probably a reason why they’re single. 5. Just because they’re your friend doesn’t mean they want what’s best for you. 6. That “great connection” you felt on that first date was probably only in your head. 7. The guys who casually hook-up with you are probably not in the same league as the guys who would date you. 8. Women who warn other women against having casual sex either use sex to get guys to commit and fail or don’t like sex. 9. Men who warn women against having casual sex are insecure and have antiquated ideas about women, dating, and sex. 10. Most guys who say things like “they want to take it slow” are either up to no good, sexually inexperienced, or gay. 11. Most guys pay the check because they know women expect them to, not because they like doing it or want to do it. 12. People can lose interest very quickly. 13. People can pretend to be interested just to get what they want. 14. There’s no such thing as having sex too soon. 15. There’s no such thing as having sex “like a man.” Women who like to compare themselves to men in that regard are just subversively putting down other women. Thoughts?
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