And That's Why You're Single

Awkward Dating Situation? Oh Well. Sh*t Happens.

Posted: 25 Mar 2014 05:55 AM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): AccidentalKiss
:
Comment: I’m a lesbian who has been trying to date more frequently lately, all in hopes of finding a great match. I recently met a woman who is beautiful and funny and smart…and whom I have very little if any chemistry with at all and I have no idea why. Nevertheless, I went out with her twice and the second time, after a couple of drinks, though I already knew it wasn’t right & I should end it there, I found myself telling her we should spend further time together. What’s more, when she asked if she could kiss me, I said “yes” and she did and…nothing. Still nothing. So now I really need to end if but I feel so guilty and awful. I have no idea what to say, but I just really think we only have platonic chemistry…what should I say? How can I deal with this?
Age: 36
City: chicago
State: illinois

This one is easy.

You lie. Yes, I said lie. Oh, you think she should be honest? You’re adorable.

Send her an email and say that you’re working through some personal stuff and think this isn’t the best time for you to be dating anyone. Then you wish her luck and sign-off. You don’t tell her you don’t feel any chemistry because she’ll think you’re playing a game or just kind of crazy. And she’s be right to think that.

What you did was odd. You just don’t do this to another person.It’s not fair. You don’t test out possible chemistry with a kiss. Life isn’t a rom com. It’s there or it’s not, and after a certain amount of time dating, you learn that. You’re approaching 40 years old. This kind of stuff is moderately tolerable in our twenties. By 36 years old, you should know better.

My hope is that people will read this and understand now why so many people they go out with fade after one or two “great” dates. To one person, everything is firing on all cylinders. The other person is going with it just to see if, at any moment, they’ll suddenly feel an attraction.

This is a typical scenario. People do stupid things. They don’t think. They say things they don’t mean. They don’t want to make things awkward by being honest. That’s why I say that it’s all just words until it’s not.

After 2 dates, it’s just words.

I’m now going to go off on a little tangent that doesn’t really have to do with you, OP.

There just comes a point where certain behaviors go from being part of the dance to being wicked annoying. It’s not funny, it’s not cute, and it certainly isn’t mature. Teasing someone with the promise of something or putting something out there you know, in that minute, you’re not prepared to follow through on is inconsiderate and immature. Nobody is sticking around to wait and see if you make good on your promise. Nobody wants to deal with your dumb dramas and power plays. They’re not invested enough. You’ll find yourself on the receiving end of a giant boot if you pull this crap after age, say, 30. If you don’t know how to handle the most basic of social situations like an awkward conversation or run-in, or a first date where there’s no chemistry, or no sex or second date after you paid the whopping $60 bill, or a request to split the check, or someone’s request to come home with you, or a request for you to leave after a hook-up, stay home.These are boot camp level experiences, folks. By 35 years old, and certainly by 40, you should have learned how to navigate them.

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Tuesday, March 25, 2014