And That's Why You're Single

Are Guys Really Afraid Of Their Feelings?

Posted: 30 Mar 2014 03:14 PM PDT

Name: Cecilia
Question: About a month ago, a coworker set me up with a close friend of his. Guy was just finalizing a divorce, amicably. We exchanged numbers and engaged in some great conversations via text for several days. He wanted to do dinner ASAP, but I was out of town for work, so we set a date for the following week. He told me numerous times that it seemed crazy how well we got along and that he was so excited for our date. I felt the same. First date was AMAZING. Incredible chemistry, great conversation. We were that annoying couple holding hands, PDA, all of it. In his words, “top five best dates ever, on top of the other four”. Lol. Yes, we had sex that night. I know, I know…but it felt right, so rules be damned.

He contacted me the next night to tell me what a great time he had, continued to contact me all week. And set up and to meet up with my friends and I that weekend (as I already had plans). Second “date”, again amazing. Same as the first. Again, he stayed over. And again, the next afternoon, he contacted me to tells how amazing the night and I had been. He did mention that night that he was scared of how intense his feelings for me were, given his situation. I told him I was feeling the same way but to take it day by day and just be honest with each other if one of us needed space, etc.

Fast forward, he went on a guys trip, texted me while he was gone. I didn’t initiate contact as he was on vacation. He came back to town and we seemed ok. He had his kids when he got back, so hanging out wasn’t an option. (I don’t believe in introducing your kids to every person you date…he has the same viewpoint). I got in touch with him Monday, said we should hang soon and his response threw me…just a “I can do that”. I felt like I was throwing it out there, and he didn’t pick it up! I haven’t heard from him for three days now. Not a long time, I know, but we’ve talked almost every day for the last month. Did I shoot myself in the foot here? My coworker still talks about “my boy” and hasn’t given any indication he’s pulling a fade out, but I haven’t voiced my concerns either. I don’t want to put somebody in the middle.

I don’t know whether to just leave it be, and if he’s still into me he’ll contact me or what.

Any advice?!?!
Age: 34
State:

I think, when he said he was scared of how intense his feelings were for you, what he really meant was that he was apprehensive at how things were progressing given the ink on his divorce papers isn’t even dry yet. From the way you wrote it, it’s not even clear that his divorce is actually final.

Telling you that he’s afraid of his feelings is a way to soften what he’s really trying to say. Once again, we have an example of diplomacy at work. Men know women eat that crap up and then sit with their friends and analyze it to death, giving him time to creep away with little damage or drama.

Leave it be. He’s not ready to take things any further. He’s pulling back because he sees the direction things are headed in and he doesn’t want that right now. I doubt this has much to do with you. He just needs to get his head on straight before he starts to date again.

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