And That's Why You're Single |
| He Broke Up With You Because You Wouldn’t Sleep With Him. You’re Welcome. Posted: 27 Mar 2014 03:50 PM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): NA I followed all of your guidelines- I let him ask me out, said yes most every time, and let him text/contact me first. Things went quite well this way. We ended up spending 2-3 days a week together, either out or eating/cooking together at his house with his sister. He often told me I was “amazing,” we got along quite well, and we had a lot of fun together physically and just hanging out. He was extremely affectionate and we were kind to each other. We are from similar ethnic backgrounds and I could tell him and his sister were almost scoping me out for “marriage” so to speak. And many of our encounters would involve me cooking for him, taking care of him when he had a cold, or giving him a massage for his soreness after a sports trip. After the 6th week, I noticed he was becoming a bit distant. He called/texted less and and claimed to be busy the entire weekend (so far, we had spent a good amount of the weekends together). I would normally hear from him everyday, and after 3 days of no communication over a weekend, I texted him to see if he was okay. He called me and pretended nothing was wrong, and very non nonchalantly said we should grab dinner this week (i.e. a major step back from the past 6 weeks). Since I had become friends with his sister, I mentioned to her that we will likely end up as friends. She said he had only said good things about me and that I was marriage material. However the next day she spoke to him and finally told me that he told her he wasn’t attracted to me because of the “blotches” on my skin. I am darker skinned, and my skin isn’t terrible but I do have some darker spots or melanin here and there from past acne. However, most people wouldn’t notice (and I’ve dated quite a bit – usually my er- and I would think if flawless skin was important to him, its something he would have noticed weeks ago before pursuing me. I called him after hearing this to very nicely say I think we’d be best as friends and I felt maybe the attraction wasn’t there, and he said “I like so many things about you and you are one of the most amazing people I have met. I wasn’t there yet (at friendship), I thought we were still getting to know each other (i.e. dating). I still want to get to know each other (i.e. date).” But after hearing what he told his sister, I couldn’t really continue dating him as my ego was a bit crushed. I’m very curious as to what happened. He was affectionate, sexually aggressive (although we didn’t have sex at my request), and so kind to me – then suddenly he pulls away for a few days and tells his sister he isn’t attracted to me because of my skin (which she decides to tell me). Then when I try to end things with him in a very nice way (without telling him what I know), he admits he was pulling away, but says he still wants to get to know each other and date. What is going on and what did I do wrong? Did I misread something? I’m totally confused by this whole situation. I know he wanted to date a girl in his same race, but maybe he couldn’t get past that? And if that was the case, why did he seem so attracted to me and make moves each time? And why would would a guy keep asking you out and calling you if he wasn’t sure or attracted to you physically? Thank you!
Your skin had nothing to do with it. That’s just what he told his sister because he didn’t want to tell her the real reason, which was that you weren’t sleeping with him. If he said that to his sister she’d call him a pig and they’d get into a row and omigod I’m telling Mom. I guess what baffles me most about this is that you don’t even seem to have considered that the lack of sex was the problem. He wants sex. You’re not giving it to him. He’s losing interest. That’s your answer. It’s very cut and dry. No sex, no relationship. Easy Peasy. He’s not going to tell you he’s backing away because of the lack of sex. He knows that, if he does, you’ll think he’s a dick. That’s why he’s not saying anything. He still wants to date you, just as long as there is sex involved. If it’s not, buh bye. And he’s not wrong or bad for wanting that. How much longer should he wait? What more does he need to do? What other steps must he take? That’s what he is thinking. He feels as though he’s completed all the requirements to merit him some sexy time. He’s done trying. Most guys in his situation would do the exact same thing. Frankly, I’m surprised he waited six weeks to punch out. He needs sex to see if the relationship has legs. A lot of people need that step in order to determine compatibility. You should bring up the issue of the lack of sex in the relationship. Talk to him about it. Try to come to some kind of understanding. Either he’ll accept your reasons for not being ready or he won’t. But if he doesn’t, he’s not necessarily a jerk for walking away. Just remember that.
  
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