And That's Why You're Single

Stop Connecting Dating Dots That Don’t Exist

Posted: 24 Feb 2014 01:55 PM PST

Name: WA
Website:
Question: I wonder why it is that men seem to thing it is okay to still be on a dating site while they are seeing you. Here is my situation: I have been seeing someone that I meet on a dating site for about 9 month. The relationship is very casual. We are friends with occasional sex. This was fine with me because I thought it would lead to more, but it has not. I saw that he was active on the site we met so I also put up a profile again. I saw that he had visited my profile. I then had a missed call from him ( no message, which is unusual because he always leaves a message). I returned the call about one hour later, and left a short message, stating that I just saw his call and that I hope he is well. He never got back with me which again has never happened. He always returns a call or text right away or soon, never more than one day. All I can think is that he is mad, which makes no sense since we are only friends. What am I missing here. Thank you.
Age: 52
State: ca

I think you’re trying to connect dots that don’t exist. You and this man aren’t dating or romantically involved. He possibly dialed you accidentally or was encouraged to check in with you when he saw that you put a profile up. Being the Suspicious Sally that I am, I actually think you put the profile up and then looked at his profile first, which then encouraged him to look at your profile. Not sure how you could have seen his profile unless you were looking for it, since you weren’t active on the site at the time.

Here’s what I think. I think you hadn’t heard from him in a while and were curious about what he was up to, so you went back to the site where you met to check up on him and see if he had been active. When you saw that he had logged in recently, that inspired you to create a profile and view his. You were trying to prompt a response from him. Then, when you got it, you were all, “I don’t get it! Why is he calling and not leaving a message and not calling me back??” You know why.Had you answered his call, maybe you and he would have gotten together. But since he wasn’t all that invested, he didn’t bother to leave a message or call back.

You want him to be mad because that indicates a level of interest you want him to have that it doesn’t appear that he has.

The only thing you missed was his call.

Are People Rejecting You Because Your About Me Summary Is a Bore?

Posted: 23 Feb 2014 03:56 PM PST

Name: Jeff
:
Comment: I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle here. Recently I came across an absolutely amazing young women through online dating. After 24 hours of signing on and walking away I finally made contact. In my message I was very polite, making sure to point out a few (of MANY) interests we shared and ended with simple sign off, nothing too direct or imposing. After signing on today I noticed she had read my message with zero response =/

I’m clearly lacking the skills to “sell” myself the way I would in a social setting which has always been very well received.

so, here’s my question…Is there any way for me to follow up my initial message with out seeming…well, pathetic. She really is amazing and it’s ruining my day knowing that if we met anywhere else outside of online dating I would have charmed, at the least a phone number.

well, thanks for hearing me out and appreciate any input you may shed on this dilemma.

all the best,
Jeff
Age: 32
City: New York
State: NY

Here’s the thing. It’s really not up to us to tell someone why we would make such a great match. This is one of the common mistakes people make when their crafting those introductory messages. You should always allow the recipient of that message judge for themselves if they think you and they might have things in common. Those messages really need to be brief and succinct. Too much info and you end up coming across intense or too invested.

The selling of one’s self should be left to the profile itself. Let your About Me Summary and answers to the various questions serve as your resume and bio. For those of you who struggle with putting together an engaging About Me Summary, consider doing this exercise before putting together your write up or if you’re considering editing the write up that you have. This is something my writing coach taught me that I found exceptionally helpful as I fleshed out the character list, back story and synopsis of something I am writing.

That introductory paragraph or paragraphs are like a short story and you’re The Narrator. Before you try to string together 300 cohesive words that make you sound fun and witty and awesome, try this. Compile a list of qualities, attributes, interests and values. It can be as many as you like. Then, underneath each item on the list, write out specific examples of said attribute. The point of doing this is to help you get a better grasp on your Narrator character.You can’t write about yourself until you understand who you are or what makes you, you. Now you can write about yourself without having to use the same boring descriptors that everybody else uses.

Keep in mind that any story needs to have a beginning, middle, and an end. So, start your story by introducing yourself. That’s your beginning. Then go into what makes you someone that the reader would like to meet. That’s your middle. Finally, close with what you’re looking for in a potential match. That’s your end. Take items from your list and work them into each section.

Now, as to your actual question, OP. Can you follow up with this woman? Sure. Wait a few weeks, change your primary photo or switch it out with another picture from your profile and then reach out to her. Do not mention that you tried to connect with her previously. Keep your message brief.

Hey there….

I liked your profile.

Sentence that mentions something about her profile so you can prove that you read it. (Not. A. Question! Do not ask a question!)

Take a look at my profile and shoot me a message back if you think you might want to chat and possibly meet up some time.

Cheers,

Jeff

No questions. No comedy. No extensive bio or retread of your profile. Simple and short. The End. She still might not respond, but at least you can let her go knowing the rejection was final and not due to a scheduling conflict, illness, busy schedule, dead dog, poor signal or broken heart.

Attract Girls Now

Monday, February 24, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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