And That's Why You're Single |
| THIS JUST IN: Not Everybody Is Meant To Hook Up Posted: 06 Dec 2013 06:06 AM PST Name: Andrew : I know there are people that are going judge me for wanting this at my age. I'm also aware that at 42, the number of women available to me and interested in what I'm looking for may not be very high. My attitude is that I need to look out for my own well being and not concern myself with what others think. I was a late bloomer and never really had that period in my early 20's when I got to explore the casual hookup scene. There's something I need to get out of my system before I can consider looking for a serious relationship again. I have roughly four years of online dating experience. Through trial and error I've become relatively skilled on how the process works. Here's where I'm running into problems handling my situation. Most of my dating experience has come through match.com. I've used okcupid sparingly. I have to admit, I've had reasonable success setting up dates via match. As anyone who's familiar with the online dating scene knows, match is more relationship oriented. Okcupid, is more casually dating and hookup oriented, which I think would benefit me more right now. The biggest problem I've run into is I find okcupids search engine incredibly frustrating. For example, when I execute a search on okcupid, one of two things happens: I type in "Hoboken" as a keyword and end up with at best a handful of matches (this is using an age range of 27-45). When I don't use keywords anywhere from 50%-75% of the women that pop up are from Brooklyn. I have nothing against Brooklyn. but I'm not traveling there for a casual hookup. I'll go out on a limb and say those women living there aren't traveling to New Jersey when they can find an available guy much closer to home. I also suspect that there's lot more women in Hoboken (or near me) than the same handful that keep coming up in searches. My logic is simple. A casual dating hookup scenario is more likely with someone who lives close by. I also suspect that the dating pool near me is a lot larger than the handful of women from that come up in okcupid's search engine for non paying members. Do you have any advice in terms of navigating okcupid's awful match system. Is it worth becoming a paying member? Do I need to explore other sites or simply tough it out? I'd prefer to stick to these two sites rather than waste my time with plentyoffish (attracts the dregs) or Tinder (99.99% useless –reminds me of hotornot.com) or venture on to some site that I know nothing about. On a positive note, I've noticed that the women on okcupid tend to list a wider age range of interest (women 10-14 years younger willing to date men 10 plus years older than them). Any thoughts or feedback would be helpful. Here’s the deal: Not everybody can effortlessly find hook-ups. You seem determined to prove that theory wrong. Why? I don’t know. It took you a pretty long time just to have a regular relationship. Now you want to see what you were missing in your twenties. I hate to say it this harshly, but it doesn’t sound like you would have been getting laid much in your twenties, either. You finally had a serious relationship, and now you think you’ve got enough going on that you can casually hook-up. You’re looking to check a box. Hah. Get it? Andrew, I would suggest forgetting about this mission and just try to find another relationship. It took you an awfully long time to find the first one. You dated someone for all of ten months. You’re not George Clooney. Get over yourself and snap out of it. The problem isn’t that you live in Hoboken. It’s that you’re not someone who makes women want to throw away all their rules and guidelines just to get a piece of that.
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