And That's Why You're Single

If He Doesn’t Want A Relationship, Why Does He Act Like He Does? #atwys

Posted: 12 Jun 2014 02:46 PM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Ashlea
Comment: Hi,

So I also tried the online dating thing. With one guy, I knew he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a relationship as he had not long been out of a seven year relationship. We had a fair few dates in only a couple of weeks. The sex was great, he seemed really into me (always messaging, showing interest in everything I said), we spent ages just cuddling and talking. He asked me to go away with him, and was going to introduce me to some of his family. He genuinely seemed nice – told me even how he was bullied at school and hasn’t actually many friends. I bought it up with him one day, and he said he was feeling mentally drained, and not ready for a relationship, but still wanted to hang out. I am just really unsure about why this happened. I am usually good at reading men.

Thanks for any help
Age: 25
City: London
State: United Kingdom

Nothing really “happened” here. He was upfront from the start about what he could offer.

He wants a relationship. He just doesn’t appear to want a serious relationship. It sounds like you’re taking all of the gestures – the messages and trips and whatnot – and adding them up to me boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s the disconnect. To him, all of those things are stuff you do with someone you’re dating, casually or otherwise. Just because he wants to go away for a weekend isn’t indicative of anything more than he likes spending time with you.

What you have is a casual relationship. That doesn’t mean it won’t go anywhere. It’s just not headed in that direction as quickly as you would like, if at all.He wants all the trimmings that a relationship provides, like sex and companionship. He just isn’t interested in any of the heavy stuff, like obligation or commitment.

This is not an unusual or uncommon set-up. This is how many, many people date now. From the outside, it looks like a serious relationship. It just lacks the expressing worded small print.

I say enjoy it while it lasts and keep your options open.

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Thursday, June 12, 2014