And That's Why You're Single |
| Does Size Really Matter? Hint: Sorta #atwys Posted: 23 Jun 2014 07:22 AM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Sis Comment: Hello Please keep my name confidential. Thanks! I am in a sensitive situation. Met a guy through a meet-up group I am in. He is about four years younger than me. He is really cool, gainfully employed and we have tons in common. Only problem is he has a horrible case of ED and when he can perform it does not last long. And let’s just say size does matter. My question is am I being shallow? I would like to get through this but I just can’t seem to. I guess I just don’t know how to talk to him about this subject. I tried to tell him that we rushed things and I just want to be friends (we slept together on the third date) but he can’t seem to accept that. Keeps trying to kiss me etc.. What can I say to him to be honest and tactful and not hurt him? Thanks!
Preach it, sister. I once admitted this very opinion in a comment on xoJane and a bunch of people swarmed around to clutch their pearls and fan themselves because they were having a case of the vapors. “Imagine if a man said he prefers a woman with a really tight vagina!” Um, why wouldn’t he prefer a tighter vagina again? How does this make him sexist? And why am I sexist because I Like A Big One? Why do I Like A Big One? Because I enjoy a challenge. Because I get off on the look on a man’s face as he tries to work his way inside me for the first time. Because it feels better. Because they make my orgasms more intense when they’re inside of me. Boom. Big One For Life. Doesn’t mean I’ll dump a guy if he’s not girthy,of course. It’s also not like I have men lining up to sleep with me and can pick and choose and toss aside any man under seven inches. So, of course being big is not a deal breaker. But it helps, amirite ladies? High five! Side note: not all women share my preference and have valid reasons for preferring a smaller penis. Different strokes, etc. Preferring that a man be well endowed or a woman be tighter isn’t a character judgement. It’s a preference. It’s when guys try and link the tightness or looseness of a woman’s vagina to her moral value that these sorts of “preferences” become shallow and ugly. Gross commentary about how “stretched out” a woman is misogynistic. Sorry, but half you idiots who actually believe that’s a thing are lucky to see a vagina up close, let alone be inside of one. Our bodies are pretty spectacular in how functional they are. Trust me, there’s no such thing as a woman not being tight enough for a man to achieve an orgasm. That’s in your head. The big one, I mean. The little one is too busy poking around it’s new surroundings to care. Similarly ugly is when women equate a man’s length or girth with his manhood or masculinity. That has nothing to do with how honorable or kind he is. As for the ED issue, only you can decide how invested you are in the relationship when deciding whether to endure it. Bouncing after one experience probably is unwise. Give the guy a chance. Maybe he was nervous or sick or had something on his mind. I don’t think you’re shallow for caring about this, but I do think you need to appropriate your expectations. When you get to our age, things change. It’s not as easy for men and women to get aroused. That’s just a fact of life and part of aging. If he’s a really good guy and you care for him and there’s genuine attraction, then I think you should talk to him about it and see what your options are, because there are things he can do to improve or help the issue. Maybe he takes medication? This was an issue with a man I dated for several months last year. He didn’t want to tell me he was on medication, but it soon became apparent that that was the issue, and so we talked it through.Was it difficult? Yes. No question. Was it frustrating? Yes. He was more than happy to satisfy me, which was wonderful and I loved him for it. Things improved gradually, but the differences in our personalities eventually made things contentious. I cared for him, and because of that, the sex became less of a priority. Ideal? Nope. But oh well. Boo hoo. I never promised you a rose garden. Of course he’s not cool with going backwards. You can’t do that. You can’t sleep with someone and then go, “Oh, hey, can we take a few steps back?” That ship sailed. The genie is out of the bottle. If you have a concern, then you need to voice that concern as respectfully and compassionately as you can. You can’t just switch lanes like that. It’s a mixed message, especially if you refuse to address the true reason for doing so. Besides, that approach hardly ever works. Once you go back in that manner, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to move forward. I know the easy solution is to just bail, but let’s be frank here. It’s not like finding another guy we’re into and enjoy is easy for women our age. Sometimes you have to ask yourself what it is you truly want and what you’re willing to give up to have it, because finding that partnership will involve sacrifice of some kind. (Hah. I accidentally wrote “of come kind” in that last sentence and I giggled, because I’m twelve. Paging Dr. Freud. )
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