And That's Why You're Single

Cut Your Dating Drama In Half By Dating In Your League

Posted: 26 Mar 2014 08:05 AM PDT

As some of us learned last week, the guy from this story ended up fading once he got laid. casualsex1

The biggest red flag that this would happen, in my opinion, was one that the author herself acknowledged.

The guy was out of her league.

Nobody likes to admit that there are just some people out there that we find attractive who will never return a similar level of interest. We’d like to believe all the myths that we’ve been told throughout out lives.

“Beauty is on the inside”

“It’s all about confidence”

And my favorite..

“There’s no such thing as dating leagues.”

Oh, but there is.

Reality: There are just some people you’re never going to get no matter how witty and wonderful you think you are.

The stories we hear, like Dater X’s tale from the Frisky, about ghosting and fading and online dating frustrations almost all have one thing in common. The person telling the story was out with someone who probably wasn’t as invested as they purported themselves to be.

To put a spin on the words of Chris Rock, “A person is only as interested as their options.”

If our options are vast, then we will be choosy. If they are low, we won’t. It’s a simple concept, really. And yet so many people struggle with it. How could it be that this person who seemed so genuine and attracted to me could say and do those things? Well, as we discussed last week, people lie. And as we mentioned yesterday, people lie to themselves.

If you pursue people you know are in demand, expect the experience to have a high degree of difficulty. If someone you know is out of your league presents no resistance to committing, be suspicious. That’s another concept people have trouble wrapping their brain around. Let me clarify before people take that bit to heart and say it’s not true. I can assure you, I’m not talking about you. You are not that mythical unicorn of a mate. Few of us are. The problem, of course, is that few people want to accept their station. That’s why you people clinging to an age bracket where they no longer belong or see folks desperately trying to break in to some inner circle of status and struggling to do so. It’s often why you hear stories from average looking men and women complaining about being used or poorly treated by a date. You tried to trade up and you got smacked down. Everybody wants to think they are the exception to the rule. Sorry, but you’re not. Once more, but with feeling, few of us are.

The reason why the most vocal of whiners complain about the unfairness of online dating or ageism or various other biases most often discussed in relation to dating is because they refuse to accept the lot that they and all the rest of us have been given. The end. Full stop.

They don’t want to accept their audience. They don’t feel they should “settle.” They will insist that they don’t feel they should compromise their standards. To which I say, keep at it. Because what they’re actually doing is weeding themselves out of the dating pool, making it easier for the rest of us.

They just don’t realize it.

Thoughts?

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Wednesday, March 26, 2014