And That's Why You're Single |
| Don’t Let Your Loneliness Make You As Desperate As I Was Posted: 07 Mar 2014 06:25 AM PST Name: Kelly I know it doesn’t matter why people do what they do. I know. But I have this need to get feedback on why the guy did what he did this week. I never heard from him for a month after the visit where I brought the crazy. I didn’t contact him. He was back in the office last week. I was polite but didn’t try to talk or connect. He walked in and acted as if nothing had happened. Was trying to be friendly and when I didn’t bite, seemed to try harder to get me to respond. I finally txted him, mistake number one, and said why? Why do this, why ignore me and show up and act as if I’m supposed to be your friend. He responded that he was ok until the final “questioning” of his intentions the previous time, and just couldn’t handle the drama. That he had feelings for me but all he could give was what he could do when he was here and that didn’t seem to be enough. I am in a vulnerable place, I don’t know many people here, both my parents are deceased, so no family. So I’m lonely. I broke down and said do you want to meet. Mistake number two. He said don’t you think that would be a bad idea, just frustrate us both. I agreed. His last words were “FYI, I’ll see you tomorrow and I’ll also be back next week.” I just didn’t respond. The next day he shows up. Tries again to get me to chat and flirt. I say, laughing but meaning it, we are not buddies, I’m not doing this with you. He says, I don’t accept that. You have to talk to me. I say, no, I don’t, other than saying hello. He walks away and says, I will see you next week. Here is the part I’m ashamed of. I txtd him and said please stop doing this, we should let it go. It hurts me because I care. He responds and says let’s meet nxt week for dinner, and I say ok. FYI, he’s good looking and in sales. No shocker there. This week he was txting and calling before he arrived, making dinner plans. He was in the office yesterday, and I fell into my old pattern, flirting and going into the office saying, what about later. He said I may end up having to go to dinner with the other execs. I’ll find out and txt you. He txts and says simply “I have to go.” I felt so let down, that I did text him back and said, what about afterward? And also, forgot to mention he made a point to tell me he changed his flight and was staying over another day. He never responded to the first txt. I txted again and said some sappy bs about I was so glad to see him, I wasn’t trying to be pushy but was hoping that at least we could see each other the next night. Nothing. Finally I say, can you respond, this is like the past month when you ignored me. He finally says, “Can’t text, still at dinner.” I don’t respond. He was off-site today, and when he showed up, didn’t say a word, walked in, spoke to someone else, left. Tonight is the night we were meant to go out, I think. Haven’t heard a word. Was it all a game to get me sucked back in? Or I scared him again with the texts? I think I need to change jobs. I think you sucked yourself back into this. I’m trying to be sympathetic, because I’ve been where you are. I’ve been consumed by loneliness like this and stuck with something that was going absolutely nowhere and ignoring all the signs. You have nothing else going on so you’re clinging to this guy. I get it. I really do. And you’re writing to me because you just don’t have anybody else to turn to. That sucks and I’m sorry. It’s an awful feeling to think that you don’t have anybody to catch you when you fall or who will listen to you. I don’t wish that on anybody. I’ve been there, too, and I can say that that was probably the worst feeling I ever experienced. But you have to stop with this. This guy genuinely can not be bothered with you. He’s not doing anything. He’s responding to your attempts to reconnect because he’s bored or trying to keep an option open. I was in your shoes a few years ago. I’m going to post something I’ve never shared before in the hopes that, when you read this, you will see what is up the road a bit for you. I can’t explain why this email hurt me the way it did, given that the nature of our relationship was so casual, but it did. In fact, it’s safe to say that this email broke me in a small way. My friends all said to me to never admit that publicly, as this guy who wrote this still probably checks in and would get some kind of satisfaction. He’s married now, so I doubt he’s still looming. (Famous last words.) In any case, I want you to read this. I want you to read this and try to imagine how you’re going to feel when this guy you’re stuck on says something similar to you. This was back when I was regularly discussing my personal life in detail. This email is why I stopped doing that.
People will read this and wonder what about it was so bad. When you’re in the throes of what the OP is in, trust me, this is brutal. It also came two days after he wrote a post for this blog talking about all the value he took from our casual relationship. It was just a stupid mistake that I made that, to this day, I still beat myself up for. I read this now and think, “Geez. Drama Queen much, Moxie?” But back then? I can’t effectively put in to words the shame and humiliation and hurt I felt for ever believing anything he said. He turned out to be the most dishonest and disingenuous man I have ever encountered. I’m sharing this, Kelly, so that you will have an idea what is in store for you should you continue to chase this guy. His words are disingenuous. He is disingenuous. Like the guy in my scenario, he’s being unfaithful to his partner, which should be the biggest red flag of all. You should believe nothing he says. Nothing. He lacks character and honor. And so do you. And so did I. You do not want this memory poking around your sub-conscious. You don’t. To this day I still wince when I think of how desperate and lonely and pathetic I was when I was involved with this guy. Whatever it is you need to do to evict this guy from your life, do it. Get out of this now, or it will break you. That I can promise you.
Thoughts?
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