And That's Why You're Single |
| How To Draw The People You Want To Your Online Dating Profile Posted: 13 Apr 2014 02:34 PM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): hp I am a male, 46, professionally employed, articulate, athlete and physique to match that, world-traveled, and live a very healthy lifestyle. I am trying to find a partner/girlfriend for a relationship who has similar values and values health and keeping fit as much as I do, but at the same time has some smarts upstairs. My age range (not set in stone) was around 35-45, but depends again on how well they take of themselves and personality. As I try to go younger, there is less of a common thread of references and values and less interest on their end, maybe because of my age. I just feel like if a woman met me, she would see how youthful I am and their image of a ‘mid-forties’ guy doesn’t apply to me. My profile must suck. I don’t know what I am doing wrong. Anyone? I’ll take the soft approach first. If dating someone who values health and a healthy lifestyle the way you do is paramount, then your profile has to be set up to not only make that clear in the right way but to draw those very people to you. We’ll start with your profile text. Since key word searches are becoming more popular and common, you need to be sure that your profile contains a healthy number of buzz words. It’s not enough to say that you’re active or that you live a healthy lifestyle. You must be specific. This goes for anybody seeking someone who values or enjoys something particular and wishes to find someone who shares that interest. Just saying you like the outdoors or going to the gym doesn’t work. Everybody says that, which means you’ll be lumped in with a bunch of profiles and that person might never even get to your profile because they’ve scrolled through so many. The goal is to come up in a search where there aren’t so many options so that the person looking will actually view your profile. How do you live a healthy lifestyle? Do you eat an organic diet? (Key word organic) Are you doing Bikram or Vinyasa Yoga twice a week? (key words Bikram and Vinyasa). Do you hike certain trails in your area? Name them. Do you interval train? Say that. Don’t say that you just run. Anybody can say they’re fit. The people who just use a bunch of common descriptors and don’t offer examples are often exaggerating just how “something” they are. Fact.
Next up, do not – and I repeat – DO NOT say that you want to meet a woman who likes to stay fit or leads a healthy lifestyle. Those terms are far too subjective and are often interpreted differently. By what you share in your profile it should be obvious. What you consider active and most of the women who view your profile consider active will often vary greatly. It also makes you sound like a rigid douche. Men and women who state that they like a partner with a particular build come off like they have this specific idea of attractiveness. Sorry, nobody wants to date someone who is going to be counting their calories for them, or who might buy them a gym membership “just because”, or who might run screaming if they gain twenty pounds over time. Life happens. The idea that you or anybody is going to meet someone whose body never changes is insane. Saying something like, “fitness is important to me” is interpreted as, “no fatties. I live at the gym and so should you.” Sorry, not everybody has that kind of time in their day.
One of your photos should you depict you doing something active. One. ONE. Not three. If you’re as active and healthy as you claim, then it should be obvious by some of your photos. Shirtless pics of your abs or gym selfies (I just..staaaap with those) are no-no’s. If you want to document your progress and post those pics to Facebook or Instagram, go for it. You worked hard, you deserve to show off a bit. But they don’t belong on your dating profile. In that context, you look clueless and narcissistic.
Your username is also a good place to reflect what it is that you prioritize. Are you a gamer? Then incorporate a popular gaming term into your username. More intellectual? Then work the usage of a publication or theory or famous personality known for their intellect into your alias. If it’s someone active and healthy you seek, follow the same advice. You want to make it as easy as possible for people to find you and click on that thumbnail. If there are sections or questions that revolve around a subject or interest or lifestyle choice important to you, fill those sections out completely and with specifics. You love to travel? Where have you been? What are your favorite locations? You want someone who appreciates a certain kind of music, then list specific artists. Utilize all of the sections that a profile offers. Key words, baby. Key words. Okay, so I’ve indulged your desires. Now comes that hard approach. I just feel like if a woman met me, she would see how youthful I am and their image of a ‘mid-forties’ guy doesn’t apply to me. I’m going to say to you what I say to women who insist upon dating younger men. Nobody cares about your youthful appearance. They care about how old you are. Full stop. End scene. They don’t feel they have enough in common with someone seven to ten or so years older than them. How good you look isn’t the issue. Personally, I find the active/healthy reasoning is an excuse to try and date younger than someone reasonably can. You’re chasing youth. That’s what you’re doing. You’re pursuing an idea of something because you can’t reconcile with the reality of your situation.
  
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