And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 16 Apr 2014 05:22 AM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): June
:
Comment: I started online dating a couple of months ago. I met a guy online and we decided to go on our first date. The first date was very good, I really liked him and he told me he had a good time. We went on 2 dates after that, however during that time he was very slow at texting me back. It would take him about 2 days to respond to my question. After date 3, he went out of the country and I thought it was over since we never talked about meeting after; however he ended up texting me when he was out of the country and we talked until he got back. When he got back we hung out and I had sex with him. It’s been 3 days since that night and he hasn’t texted me or asked me how I am. Is he just using me to have sex? I want to ask him but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.
Age: 25
City: Los Angeles
State: CA

I have no idea if he’s just using you for sex.

Here’s what I do know: he couldn’t be bothered to reply to you in a timely fashion. That right there should tell you where you fell on the priority list. There’s absolutely no excuse for someone to take that long to get back to someone.

You could ask him if he’s blowing you off or if he was only in it for the sex. He’ll lie, of course. Anybody would. Hence, there’s really no point in asking him anything because the chances that he’ll tell you the truth are slim. If anything, he’ll say just enough to keep you on the hook so that when he does feel like gracing you with his attention, you’ll be receptive. He probably kept in touch with you when he was traveling in order to maintain momentum so that, when he got back, he could do exactly what he did. This is another example of placing too much value on an empty gesture. We know what people expect of us in these situations, so we give it to them in order to get what we want.

This isn’t one of those situations where asking for what you want will be productive. A conversation such as this will go around in circles, leaving you a little bit more confused than you were before.

He took two days to reply to a simple question. That is your answer.

The only way to completely avoid getting twisted up over scenarios like this is to stop being afraid of being “used.” I will guarantee you that there are times people are being used for things and don’t even know it. We convince ourselves that someone is on the up and up when we know, deep down, they probably aren’t.

Being used really isn’t the tragedy that some people like to make it out to be. The ones who hold that up as the worst possible thing are the same people who do whatever they can to deter people from having casual sex. Oh, you don’t have casual sex because you don’t want to get an STD? I see what you did there. The underlying implication of all of their threats is that casual sex makes you sad or dirty or stupid and not having casual sex somehow makes you a more honorable, self-respecting person. If someone feel so threatened by casual sex that they have to try and scare other people from having it, that speaks to their own insecurities and issues.

My guess, OP, is that this guy isn’t interested in anything beyond casual. If you can roll with it, enjoy. Just remember:

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Wednesday, April 16, 2014