And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 17 Jun 2014 02:24 PM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Logan

Comment: Why is it when someone like myself who treats women the right way always gets the shaft and they dont really attempt to converse but a guy who treats them like crap they always go to. I am 38 yrs old and this has happened since I was 17 or 18 yrs old.
Age: 38
City: Slidell
State: Louisiana

Can we please, once and for all, dispel this notion that women prefer assholes and don’t like nice guys?

Logan, the fact that you would write a letter like this is exactly why you have the difficulties that you do. The type of guy that women want – one who is confident and assertive – would never ask such a question. The kind of men who ask such questions are the same as the women who comment that men only want “sluts.” Yes, some women prefer guys who treat them poorly. Just like some men prefer much younger women. These preferences of indicative of deeper issues, issues that make dating them very difficult.

Want to really get rid of the problem? Ignore the women who say they want a “nice guy” because 9 times out of 10, they don’t. Those women are the ones who want to date jerks. Those women are the ones chasing around the slick, charming Alpha Male completely oblivious to the fact that they will never, ever pull a guy of that caliber. I honestly think that it’s the people who utter such things out loud or publicly that don’t actually want what they think they want.

In fact, I will go so far as to say that the majority if not all of the myths we hear and read about dating are based on the distorted and limited experiences of the people repeating them. That’s a big reason why I think most dating bloggers, dating advice sites and dating coaches are idiots. The advice they give is usually advice they would never in a million years implement themselves, or at least have never attempted to, yet they’re telling single people to do those very things. It’s a bunch of simpletons making their broad generalizations based on their astonishingly limited and narrow perception of the world, the opposite sex, relationships and how they all work.The majority of dating bloggers and dating writers out there are people who can’t for the life of them get past the first date or two, or who keep going for people that don’t want them, or who don’t have even a basic understanding of how the world really works. So what you get is a bunch of warped opinions and theories as to why men and women do this or that. When they say things like “casual relationships don’t typically work for most people” what they really mean is, “casual sex doesn’t work for me.” When they say “women don’t like nice guys” what they’re actually saying is, “women don’t like me.”

Here’s an example from a recent comment:

It’s not about the numbers. It’s about the flat stomach. Women get hung up on the numbers. They should spend more time looking at the women men lust after. men don’t look at fashion magazines. Men lust after movie stars and professional athletes. – Avery

Nope. Not even a little true. People might masturbate to actors and models and porn stars, but most men and women know that those people are not within their grasp. What Avery means is, “I lust after movie stars and professional athletes.” He paints with a broad brush so as to convince people that he’s not the one with the unrealistic expectations and that it’s everybody else who has it wrong. That’s why people repeat stupid trite things like “women don’t like nice guys.” Nope. Wrong. We love nice guys. We just don’t like that guy, and it’s usually because he gives off a weird or odd vibe.

The problem, unquestionably, is in your presentation, Logan. Something about you is turning women off. Maybe you’re trying too hard, or maybe you come off whiny. I don’t know. Maybe you got for the women who want to be treated badly. I’m not quite sure. This idea that women like “jerks” is one of those myths that gets perpetuated by people who lack dating success and therefore should be ignored.

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Tuesday, June 17, 2014