And That's Why You're Single |
| Signs He Was Never Interested In You In the First Place #atwys Posted: 24 Jun 2014 07:30 AM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Joanna Comment: Ok here goes….So being single in my early 30′s and having more confidence than ive ever had I decided to chase my fantasy of finding and dating a hot sexy soldier. Ive always had a thing for men in the military. I met this guy online via a military dating website and we exchanged emails for a month deciding when and where to meet for a date. We lived 150 miles apart so it wasn’t straight forward. This guy had just come out of a 3 year engagement with a girl from his hometown. Ive never met anyone online before and was naturally careful and curious. Things developed very quickly and we both felt it even though it was only through emails and phonecalls. He text me first and last thing everyday and we mailed each other cute gifts. I made a (cringe) grand gesture of pulling my profile from the dating site and he felt flattered and so did the same. One day I decided to snoop his Fcaebook profile and saw he had very public romantic photos of him and his ex fiancé on his page and was still on his friends list but I decided not to mention it out of embarrassment that id snooped. He did mention to me that when he visited ‘home’ on the weekends he would pop around to her house and see her kids as he was still fond of them. Is he keeping their lovey dovey pics on his FB profile to try and win her back? Then last week just before we were due to finally meet I saw that he had reactivated his profile on the dating site. Now I know we were both a little presumptuous and silly for pulling them in the first place before meeting but I did feel kinda cheated that he’s reactivated his profile before the big meet. I sent him and email explaining that I felt disappointed and that I found his facebook page pictures of him and his ex suspicious. I basically said i dont want to get hurt or played. He emailed back saying the FB pictures are just nice memories, but in my opinion single guys looking out there for new romance dont keep photos like that on their public FB profile, do they? he also said he’d only logged back into the dating site to check his mail. He said he wasn’t playing me or anyone else and that Im the only girl he’s been emailing for the last month but I don’t believe him. He wished me luck and ended his emails. He didnt call me to reassure me or anything. I feel stupid for the way I approached things, assuming the worst but I couldnt help it. Problem is I miss him so much and don’t know if I should call him or keep walking…. I am of the belief that people who join niche dating sites like the one you used can not POSSIBLY be looking for romance or a relationship. Either they are looking to fulfill some fantasy or fetish or they’re hoping to amass a stable of people who will send them emails and texts and provide copious amounts of wank material. Because, let’s think about it. Unless they are no longer in the military, they are stationed other places or move around frequently. That lifestyle isn’t terribly conducive to forming a lasting or deep connection, you feel me? I met this guy online via a military dating website and we exchanged emails for a month deciding when and where to meet for a date. We lived 150 miles apart so it wasn’t straight forward. Actually, these things are quite straightforward. It’s when they aren’t that you should keep your guard up. It doesn’t take a month to figure out how and when to travel 150 miles. That’s a 2 hour drive at best.If he’s so hunky in his fatigues, you can be sure he can spit and hit about ten women who will do him. He doesn’t need to travel to get laid. These people who live hundreds of miles away that strike up relationships with folks on the internet either a) are having trouble meeting people where they live b) are scammers or c) are looking strictly for some kind of sexual e-lationship. Write that down, kids. It’s gold. This guy had just come out of a 3 year engagement with a girl from his hometown. Okay. There’s your sign that this guy was not looking for anything remotely substantive and was likely on that site for kicks and attention. That he told you about his recent break-up is a red flag. He’s telling you without directly saying he’s not looking for a relationship. He’s warning you. Things developed very quickly and we both felt it even though it was only through emails and phonecalls. I will stop you once more and point out the critical error in your judgement. Men and women need to stop pretending to be mind readers. You do not know what the other person is truly feeling. Being able to gauge that, even on a surface level, takes time and in person interaction. You can not determine this via emails and phone calls. It doesn’t matter if they tell you how natural and wonderful and comfortable everything feels. People can and do say things they think they mean but actually don’t. Telling you how comfortable he feels with you or how attractive he finds you – when he’s never met you – is another red flag. It’s an attempt to build a false sense of security. One day I decided to snoop his Fcaebook profile and saw he had very public romantic photos of him and his ex fiancé on his page and was still on his friends list but I decided not to mention it out of embarrassment that id snooped. He did mention to me that when he visited ‘home’ on the weekends he would pop around to her house and see her kids as he was still fond of them. He would “pop around” to see her kids? Wow. That’s a little confusing to the children, isn’t it? Let me answer that for you: yes, it is, which is why I’m fairly sure he and this woman are still involved in some way. Sorry, but I call bullshit on anybody who is “popping around” to visit children that aren’t theirs. Cynical? Don’t care. My personal opinion is that someone genuinely looking to move on and meet someone new wouldn’t be advertising their past relationships on the internet. Because, as you learned, it’s wildly easy to access these photos. This guy isn’t even trying to hide that he’s not looking for anything serious. Take this as a lesson: if you meet someone online and can track down their Facebook page or other information with little effort and you see questionable photos or other suspect information that hint at them not being on the up and up, they probably weren’t all that interested in the first place. They know that information is part of the public domain. They don’t care if you find it. If you do and you reject them, they’ll just move it along and find someone else. to bamboozle, as there are so many people out there who get sucked into these situations. Why? They don’t know their audience. You’re welcome. He wished me luck and ended his emails. That’s because he never had any intention of meeting you or taking things too far. Like, ever. You gave him the out by admitting to snooping, and he took it. He was always going to do this. I will guarantee you had things not ended when they did, he’d have made up an excuse not to meet you. How do I know this? Let’s look at the facts:
I could have stopped at the first point, as that was enough. Keep walking. This guy was never genuinely interested in you beyond a random hook-up if that and likely is still with the woman in the photos. And..scene.
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