And That's Why You're Single

Is He Really Attracted To You Or Just Pretending To Be To Have Sex? #atwys

Posted: 09 Jun 2014 03:57 PM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Aly

Comment: You’ve said in the past that men sometimes will have sex with women they are not attracted to. How do you know if they’re attracted to you or just pretending to be to have sex? I know people will ask, I guess you could say I’m curvy (5’6″ 16oish.) I have recent full body pictures on my profile and don’t have much trouble getting dates and have never had a guy tell me I didn’t look like my pictures or cut a date short.

I met a guy on okcupid two weeks ago and we went out this past Saturday for the first time. We came back to my place and we had sex. The second time we did it that night I never got a chance to take off the long t-shirt I had put on. He never asked me to take it off. While we were having doggie style sex the second time, my t-shirt rode up up and I felt him stop what he was doing and pull it back down to cover my butt. While we were fooling around earlier that same night he kept telling me I was sexy and how much he loved my breasts and said I was hot. Do men sometimes say things like that just to get the woman in the mood?
Age: 34
City: New York
State: NY

The short answer is that you won’t know until after they have sex with you. If they suddenly fade, then chances are they weren’t all that attracted to you. But even that isn’t an accurate barometer. A person with few options will take what they can get at the time, and a smart person with few options will know how to play the game. So my answer is, you just don’t know until much later, and sometimes you never know. What we do know is what type of person we typically pull. If this guy was outside of that, then that’s another possible sign he wasn’t as attracted to you as you were to him. Harsh? Yeah. But that’s reality. I’d place a large bet that a large portion of fades and ghostings that women experience occur because the guy wasn’t all that attracted to her and just went through the motions to get laid or the sex wasn’t that great. Pick any dating blog and read about all the dramz that occurs after first/second date sex and I will almost guarantee you that the reason the guy didn’t stick around was because he was never going to in the first place and that he was hot and charming and charismatic and all that alpha male goodness. Sometimes if a person (man or woman) is in between options, they temporarily punch below their weight class. It happens.

Nobody is going to come out and tell you that you don’t look like your photos unless you ask, and even then you probably won’t get the truth. Those people who do answer that question honestly have horrible social skills and manners.

It sounds like maybe you’re a little insecure about your body and that you’re reading stuff into his actions that might not be there. Sometimes sex just heats up and you don’t take all your clothes off. I’ve had a guy tell me that he likes having sex with women partially clothed because there’s something dirty about it. So maybe that’s this guy’s thing. Maybe he likes that. Who knows? I want to say that I don’t think someone would tell a person they were hot, sexy, etc unless they really meant it. I could be being naive though. People can and do say things to get what they want and to grease the wheels. It’s just that there’s something about telling a person, a woman especially, that they’re sexy and hot when you don’t mean it that seems incredibly cruel.

Thoughts?

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Monday, June 9, 2014