And That's Why You're Single |
| The Savvy Dater: How To Keep Your Online Dating Options Open Posted: 10 Nov 2013 03:05 PM PST Name: Nicole So, a couple of related questions for you…
The first thing you need to realize about online dating is that if you want to have any kind of success with it, you need to put in the effort. To me, you come across as ambivalent and unsure about meeting people online. Which, if I’m to be honest, I think is unfair to the men who are contacting you. Either you’re in or you’re out. If you’re going to half-heartedly peruse profiles and reply to messages, then you should really just close up shop and wait until you’re truly ready to make a genuine effort. You’re an elementary school teacher, not the CFO of Nabisco. You can’t possibly be so busy that you don’t have time to reply to emails. I have friends who are lawyers and doctors. They seem to manage. You got off on the attention and got caught up in it. It happens. Yes, it’s typical for people on a dating site to get an overwhelming amount of attention when they first sign on. Your profile is still flagged as new and so you’re going to get more eye balls to your profile. Once your profile hits a certain age, like say a month, you’re not longer considered new. You can tweak your profile so that you’ll be flagged as updated/new, but you’ll never be brand spankin’ new again. The one work around that I’ve found for OK Cupid is to disable your profile and then reactivate it a few days later. Bam! I do this from time to time and, with regularity, get hit up with 25-50 ratings and about ten to fifteen messages in a two day period. You can also delete one of your profile photos then immediately re-upload it to get a boost to your visitors. Do what you can to keep the lines of communication open with people that interest you, even as you juggle possible suitors. If you have to make up a lie about being sick or life getting in the way type stuff as the reason you’re not on top of your emails, do it. That will buy yourself time while you meet people and sift through all your possibilities. There are ways regain some momentum with the men who have already contacted you that you blew off. You can follow up with the ones you were talking to and say that you took a bit of a break from the site due to work-related issues. Don’t say you had a bad experience with the site or use a re-appearing ex as the reason you faded. Work is a universal issue that most people understand. If you were the one who faded first, then you’re going to have to compensate for that by suggesting an offline meet up. And you should do that in that first email that you send when attempting to reconnect. Don’t email people who messaged you weeks ago unless you’re interested in meeting up. I recently had a guy respond to a message I sent three weeks earlier. He said that he was taking his profile down but wanted to wish me luck in my search. Orly? I replied back and told him that the online dating world moves pretty fast and that I had kind of moved on but gee thanks for the follow up, brah. Another guy did something similar by replying almost a month later just to tell me that he has a specific type (tall black girls) but best of luck! Like, what? People who do this sort of thing enjoy the power that comes from rejecting people. Trust me. People send emails and then forget about them a few days later if they haven’t heard back from you. You’re really not that memorable. None of us are. The ones that follow up and act outraged are tipping their hand to the fact that nobody replies to them. So don’t do that, either. As I said at the top of this response, you need to commit yourself to the process of online dating if you really want to be successful at it. If you’re too busy to date, which I’ve always thought was just an excuse, then you should back away from the dating site and return when you’re ready to really give these guys a fighting chance.
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| Posted: 10 Nov 2013 03:05 PM PST
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