And That's Why You're Single

Posted: 19 Nov 2013 07:31 AM PST

Name: Cat D
Comment: So I met this guy on Facebook. We have nearly 20 mutual friends which made me thought he was a friend of mine (though forgetting his name). I accepted his friend request and ever since we talked day and night for a bout a week, he then stopped chatting with me for approximately a month. At the time I just didn’t care or feel anything about him so I didn’t chase after or sending him any messages. So about a month later he started talking to me one night, a little drunk, requesting to talk on Skype. So I accepted – by all means I just wanted to know what his deal. And since then we carried on talking and talking, sometimes the conversations get really flirtatious. He sent me morning and goodnight messages with calling me babe and all the sweet stuffs. It just got on really well and sweet. The only problem is if we want to go on a date I would need to take a 4 hours train to his city which I didn’t fancy the idea at all. He promised he would come but just a few days before that he suddenly realised he had a conference that he could not afford to miss; so I decided to travel to his city because I really wanted to meet him and have a not-so-much-like-a-date date. So I paid him a visit, stayed overnight, had sex – yes I know the first-date sex – and the next day we held hands, kissing and walking on streets and went to the pictures. We had a lovely time, just like a passionate new couple that you can find elsewhere. Then I left for home. Ever since he obviously stops texting less; just two days afterwards he texted me with all single word replies that literally made me felt miserable. Plus the fact that on the night we had sex, he admitted that he had never met me before he just added me for fun – so now when I think about this, is he really just another player who wanted to get laid? Or why would he being so sweet which he could’ve skipped all of those and straight to the point (because I tried to make him confront once and he said he found me physically attractive and would like to know me, and that he could gets lucky in his city pretty easily instead of some girl from far far way)? What is his deal because he just simply stop texting me now! Help please
Age: 24
City: London
State: London

I believe his deal is that he likes to add women with whom he shares mutual friends as Facebook friends and then have various kinds of sex with them. The good morning texts and Skype sessions were just his way of investing a minimal amount of time in order to grease the wheels.

The problem with stories like this is that the women place so much importance on tiny little gestures. They convince themselves that these guys are making great effort when really the men are devoting the bare minimum of time and attention to the woman. I’d also like to note that, yet again, we have a story about a guy who lives far away who contacts a woman online and then exhibits shady behavior. Do I need to say this again? I guess I do. RED. FLAG.

Why didn’t he say he just wanted sex? Because he wouldn’t get the sex if he were upfront and honest. Most guys know that most women have to justify having sex, especially first date sex. That’s why men like this, or even men in general, pay the tab and text after the first time they had sex or send cutesy emails. A lot of it is fake and disingenuous.They do it because they know it is expected. They do it because they know not doing it will be held against them.

Cat, you went to him. He cancelled the initial meeting, probably because for him this was just a fun cyber flirtation he used to pass the time. You went to him. All the red lights were flashing and you still chose to plow ahead. You pushed forward with this. You chose to sleep with him. This situation did not happen to you. You participated in it. Willingly.

In order to prevent this from happening again you need to raise your standards. Additionally, you need to wise up to the fact that all the things you were told that indicate genuine interest don’t, in fact, indicate genuine interest. Texts and terms of endearment and flirty emails? They mean nothing. They take seconds to craft and send.

You also need to accept that people lie. Is it bad? Yes. But no amount of railing against the act of deception is going to prevent people from doing it. Deal with it. Unfair? Wrong? Yup. Gotcha. The women who believe those lies time and again are naive. So it’s not all on the guys. You only have to experience something like this once or twice before you smarten up and accept that some people will say whatever they think will get them what they want. Even if it means being dishonest and misleading someone. I honestly believe that some people thrive off of feeling victimized and end up repeating this pattern over and over again.

Cat, your little internet fling is over. It was fun while it lasted. He added you as a goof and you played right into his hands and gave him what he wanted. All you can do at this point is learn from the experience and make sure it doesn’t happen again. He’s moved on. Time for you to do the same.

Attract Girls Now

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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