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| The Most Obnoxious Things People Do On First Dates Posted: 15 May 2014 02:14 PM PDT A reader emailed me and suggested that I write up a list of the most annoying things people do on first 1. Selecting a first date spot that is inconvenient to you, but not them – The best way to avoid this is to find out in what part of a city your date lives or works. That way you can find a spot to meet that is equidistant. Nothing says, “I hope to ply you with booze so you’ll come home with me” like choosing a location two blocks from your apartment. On the other side of that coin is the, “I’m the girl so you should travel to meet me because, girl.” 2. Confirming last minute – If you make plans for a certain day, somebody needs to send the other person a message the day of to make sure plans are still set. Don’t wait until 2 hours before you’re supposed to meet to ask if you’re confirmed or to reply. And if you didn’t try to confirm plans, don’t complain if the day comes and goes and you don’t hear from your date. If you want to be sure everybody is still on the same page and that there’s nothing going on schedule-wise that might intervene, send them a text. Who cares who asked whom out? It doesn’t matter. 3. Trying to upgrade the date - Example number one: Guy suggests a centrally located and moderately priced bar to meet. Woman decides to pick someplace else that’s more expensive. It’s a shit test. This most often happens to people who work in jobs where it is assumed they make a very high salary i.e. lawyers, doctors, bankers. It’s assumed they can afford it. Don’t do that. You immediately shoot yourself in the foot. The male version of this is making plans and then, last minute, trying to change the plans from meeting out some place in public to their apartment. “Want to just come over and hang?” No. No I don’t. 4. Not offering to pay - This is considered by many the single rudest thing a woman can do. Offer to pay. Just do it. If you were out with a girlfriend and the bill came, you wouldn’t just sit there and you know it. Abide by basic social rules, not the ones that were created by women as they apply to dating. On the flip side, a guy who refuses to pay a tab and starts itemizing the bill for a date comes off like a cheap asshole. There’s just no need to pull out your pocket calculator and start tabulating who owes what. If you do ask her to pay, then just ask her to throw in X amount without pin pointing down to the dollar what she owes. 5.Scheduling the date between other appointments – Ruh-hude! It’s a bummer to be having a great time only to have your date tell you they need to be uptown for a birthday party or downtown for “a thing.” Don’t bookend your dates. Schedule them when you have an evening or afternoon free. Getting up and taking off when things are going well ruins the momentum. 6. Pulling the plug on a date too quickly – I’ve totally done this and I will probably continue to do it. I’ve been that person who, 30 minutes into a date, has said, “Would you mind if we got the check? I don’t think this is a match.” Some people just know. I know. I don’t allow people to spend additional money knowing I’m not interested, so I cut it off. I also happily pay the tab in those instances. 7. Not sending a thank you message or a reply to the thank you message - Regardless of whether or not you want to see someone again, if they paid the tab you should send them a thank you message. That’s proper etiquette. And if you receive a thank you text, then you should reply to it. If the person sending the message expressing appreciation says they hope to see you again, all you have to say is that you had a nice time but didn’t think you and they were a fit and then wish them luck. 8. Talking too much about themselves - I tend to think that what actually transpires in most cases is that the person who feels slighted just doesn’t know how to make conversation, leaving the other person to do all the talking. But, in some cases, you just happen to get stuck with someone who only knows how to talk about themselves and nothing else. You have to learn how to ask questions if you want a conversation to flow. Which brings me to… 9. Asking intensely personal or inappropriate questions - “When was your last relationship?” “Why did you guys break up?” and the dreaded, “What are you looking for?” The first date is a primer for things to come. If, after just under an hour, you’re prying in to their personal lives, you not only display an acute lack of self-awareness, but you come off intense. 10. Not dressing appropriately – I once had a date last summer with a guy who met me after he spent the day in his acting class. He showed up in jeans, a black t-shirt, and sneakers. And he kinda stunk because, as all actors do, he spent the whole day in a studio pretending to be a farm animal or a shooting star. I had zero problem telling him, in the middle of our drinks, that I found it offensive that he didn’t even appear to try dress nicely for our date. Suck on that one. You don’t have to wear a little black dress (though I prefer to do that just because I like showing off my curves) or a suit, but at least try to look like some thought and effort went into what you were wearing. Any more you can think of?
  
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dates. Some of these are gender specific, so gird your loins. Here goes:
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