And That's Why You're Single

Should He Ask Her To Lose Weight So He Can Date Her?

Posted: 16 May 2014 07:14 AM PDT

I have a question for the ladies on this site. I have recently met a girl online and after a week or two of online chatting and sms texting we decided to meet. Based purely on how much we had in common, and I thought she was a great girl. When I met her I wasn’t prepared at all for her to have been overweight, all the pics she had sent me where head shots and I just thought she was a great looking woman. Never dawned on me that she might be overweight, not that it truly matters. We had dinner and a couple of drinks and went for a walk. She told me that she had been through a very traumatic experience in her life and I just assumed that this might have had something to do with her weight. I seen a photo of her from a few years back, before she had the bad experience, and she was much more slender, not stick thin, but more slender. Now I feel a sense of duty, to not judge her based on her weight, we had afterall clicked when I knew nothing about her weight.. But what I want to know is this. I think, for her, that she needs to get back to how she was both physically and emotionally to truly overcome her bad experience. Would it be wrong for me to try to gently push her towards maybe trying to lose that weight? There is no guarantee that me and her will end up together in the long term, but I like this girl and I would like her to get herself back. She moved to a new city, where I met her, purely for that reason, to find herself again. Am I being selfish? Is it the wrong thing to do? Or should I just admit that physically I don’t find her attractive but that emotionally and mentally I do.. Its a toughie, I don’t want to abandon her out of shallowness.. Any opinion would be appreciated! Thanks – Steve

Yes, it would be wrong for you to push her to lose weight.

Let me explain to you what you’re doing, Steve-o. You’re rationalizing. You’re assuming (hoping, really) that her weight is connected to this traumatic event she experienced, despite the fact that she never said that. That way you can justify being with her. You don’t want to date someone who just got fat with no explanation. That doesn’t work for you. I mean, what will tell all the other dudebros when they rag on you for dating a fattie? How will you explain how you, the obvious catch that you are, had to settle for a fat girl? I can only imagine how scarred you would be. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

You don’t want her to get herself back. You want her to get back the woman you’d prefer her to be so you’ll feel more comfortable trotting her out in Facebook photos. I truly love seeing men do this only to suddenly stop doing that when their girlfriends or wives put on a significant amount of weight even though they’re STILL very attractive. Aww. Poor thing. No more bragging rights about your hot dancer girlfriend? Hope you didn’t have to pay anybody too much to work that Photoshop to death.

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Like I’ve said in previous posts about this issue, the only time people are “surprised” by having a date show up and be older or heavier than their photos is if the photos used were OBVIOUSLY misleading. How anybody at this point doesn’t know that pictures with hats or sunglasses or cropped photos from weird angles from the waist up or pictures taken way over head aren’t indicators that the person is trying to hide something is beyond me. You bring it on yourselves by falling for those tricks.

Does it make you shallow not to be attracted to someone overweight? Nope. But staying with her so you can prove something to yourself isn’t right. Ask yourself why you feel so bad about feeling the way you feel and then consider this: rather than trying to get past this issue in your own mind and challenging yourself to think differently, you want her to change instead. That’s what makes you shallow.

I don’t buy the whole, “I find her mind and personality so attractive” thing. Know what I think? I think you do find this woman attractive. All of her. Including her body. You just don’t like admitting that because you think it somehow lowers your status if you date someone like her. Either I’m attracted to someone or I’m not. So either you’re not attracted to her at all, or you’re attracted to all of her and can’t admit it to yourself.

Oh, and I soooooooooooo hope this devolves into yet another whine fest about how much rougher short guys have it. For the record, women who say things like, “If he were taller I’d totally date him” are women too afraid to date someone who doesn’t come with bragging rights. Ergo, they suck a GIANT bag of dicks, too. Okay? Does everybody feel acknowledged and special?

Attract Girls Now

Friday, May 16, 2014

And That's Why You're Single

And That's Why You're Single

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