And That's Why You're Single |
| When & How To Ask About Testing and Sexual History Posted: 04 May 2014 02:25 PM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): bbdawg Hi Moxie I am going to re-enter the dating market soon and I have a question. I have been taking to some ppl online and I am going to meet them soon. I am interested in possibly sleeping with a couple of the people I have talked to, depending on how our dates go. In the past, in my LTRs we talked about being exclusive and until then we used condoms. I would then start taking the pill a few months after being “exclusive”. After LTRs I did not date that much but a few months back I got together with a guy, and we had sex with condoms and I went down on him, etc…we dated for a while and used protected sex, but I still did unprotected BJs. I feel like things have changed a bit since I was most active which was about 5 years ago. when I was younger, “exclusivity” was the point at which you talked about STDs and discussed not having any, but we never showed each other pieces of paper. But at this point – 35 – I feel like there is more developed etiquette. I like giving head but I am not sure I will wait to do that until I am “exclusive” with someone. We can “talk” about it before I sleep with someone for this first time, and I do, but (when) is it ok to ask for a piece of paper? At which point do we ask (to see) an STD test? I don’t have STDs, I haven’t had that many partners, but I know that I am going to sleep with some new folks from online dating I and I am curious to see what the best way to go about it is. I feel that now that I am older I am also more cautious… please advise. Thank you! I have never and would never ask for written test results from someone. I realize that some people may do this, but I don’t. If someone were to ask me for written proof that I was STD free, I would assume they were either highly paranoid or didn’t trust me. Neither of those things bode well for a blossoming relationship. And, let’s be honest, that test proves nothing. Unless you’re going to get tested once a week for several months or plan on accompanying someone to the doctors to ensure they request the a full panel of tests, no piece of paper will determine that someone is 100% STD free. Knowing that, then I just take someone at their word without making them jump through hoops to show me just how much they truly care. I happen to think the people who swear up and down that they make partners present printed out test results are either a) lying in order to impress people or b)dating people equally as paranoid as them or c)dating people so desperate to get laid they’ll do anything. I know that patients can request cards and the like, and that there are even apps people can use to upload their STD results to their phone to show for proof. I guess I’m just old fashioned. I do these crazy things called “tell the truth” and “believe someone.” I also follow directions and practice safe sex.All the time? Nope. I’ve totally done the, “Take the condom off, it feels better” thing. If I trust someone I’ve just started dating and he’s been tested and I know I’ve been tested at am not at risk, I might even go condom commando. Smart? Nope. But since when in the history of sex and dating has any one person done exactly what they were supposed to do when they were supposed to do it? People exhibit high risk behavior all. the. time. But something about high risk sexual behavior gets extra special judgement strictly because it involves sex. Obviously, my approach isn’t fool-proof. But then, neither is looking at a print out of a test. What might be true one month can be completely different the next. Maybe they got tested before the virus could be detectable. Maybe they didn’t request the full series of tests. And maybe that person has a virus that is undetectable by a test. Who knows? That’s why I think all the Chicken Little-ing about testing and sexual history is just one big long con employed to see just how committed and honest and non-threatening to our egos someone is or isn’t. Saying you want to wait for test results is also a great way to put off having sex while presenting yourself as responsible and discerning. We can “talk” about it before I sleep with someone for this first time, and I do, but (when) is it ok to ask for a piece of paper? If you want to ask for a piece of paper, then by all means do so. If you’re going to accept their verbal word the first time you sleep together or hook-up, then why the need to go back and ask for written verification? That, to me, makes no sense. Either ask for it upfront from the start or don’t ask for it at all. If I was sleeping with someone for a few weeks and they suddenly said, “Hey, listen, all this sex has been great, but now I need to see proof you’re not tainted” I’d be hugely annoyed. And listen, if you’re performing oral sex on someone without written test results, then in for a dime, in for a dollar. Oral sex, penetrative intercourse, they both present risks. If you’re not whipping out a dental dam or giving him head while he’s wearing a condom, then you’re just not as fastidious as you think. My personal feeling is this: if you’re getting tested regularly and using protection and being smart and not being repetitively reckless, then you’re probably okay. And if someone tells you they’re clean, then they probably are. The thing many people don’t seem to acknowledge is that you can do everything right and STILL get screwed. That goes for sex and STDS as well as dating. Nothing in this little game we call mating comes with a 100% guarantee of satisfaction. Nothing. As for inquiring about sexual history, just don’t do it. You don’t want to know. All that matters is that they’ve been tested recently. The rest of that stuff is part of their past and, really, it’s none of your business.
  
One on One Dating Profile ReviewGet a 45 minute one on one review of your profile with me. I'll go over your picture selection and ad text and let you know if your profile includes any buzz words or red flags. I'll also help you tweak/write your profile if it needs some freshening up. $45 – INCLUDES:
$45 (Use code BLOG to save $10)
Let Me Write Your Profile For You$75 – INCLUDES:
$75 (Use code BLOG to save $10)
|
| You are subscribed to email updates from And That's Why You're Single® To stop receiving these emails, you may unsubscribe now. | Email delivery powered by Google |
| Google Inc., 20 West Kinzie, Chicago IL USA 60610 | |
No comments:
Post a Comment