And That's Why You're Single

If It’s Not A Date Does He Still Have To Pay?

Posted: 19 May 2014 06:14 AM PDT

Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Frank

Comment: I have been noticing on a lot of female profiles recently that say something like the first meeting isn’t considered a date. For example, here is a quote from a woman’s profile in the First Date section:

“Meeting for a cup of coffee or drink, see if there is a spark or interest, then set up a first date.”

If the woman explicitly states that first meeting isn’t considered a date, then do the social expectations of the guy paying for that cup of coffee or drink still apply?

I understand that people may feel a first meeting isn’t a date, but I have never seen it announced upfront as much as I have recently. Any thoughts on this? Thank you.
Age: 49
City: Westchester
State: NY

I would sooner stick a hot fork in my eye than meet someone from a dating site who had this kind of disclaimer in their profile. It reeks of needing to be coddled. It’s thinly veiled ambivalence about the whole online dating process, and I find that kind of thing exhausting. Dating is difficult enough. Nobody needs to be on probation for something they haven’t even done yet.

That first meeting is a date. If you get gussied up and you leave your house to have a conversation with a person in the hopes of there being attraction and chemistry, it’s a date. No amount of soft shoeing is going to change that. People try to make a distinction between the two in order to remove the pressure. The problem with that is that the pressure to perform still exists. The pressure is still there. Changing the label of the meeting doesn’t achieve what they think it achieves.

If someone explicitly states in their profile that the first meeting isn’t a date, then I think both parties should be responsible for paying their own way. Caveat emptor and all that shit. Here’s what typically happens: Two people meet under the guise of it not being a date. Conversation flows. They both flirt. One drink turns to two. Uh oh. Now what? This sure feels like a date! In which case, the best approach is to then treat it as such, forgetting the original disclaimer that this is not a date.

Of course, we all know this is a test, right? If the guy doesn’t offer to pay, he’ll be deemed cheap.

This is why you don’t say things like this in your profile. Comments like this send a mixed message. It’s a date. Deal with it.

One on One Dating Profile Review

Get a 45 minute one on one review of your profile with me. I'll go over your picture selection and ad text and let you know if your profile includes any buzz words or red flags. I'll also help you tweak/write your profile if it needs some freshening up.

$45 – INCLUDES:

*Profile analysis (45 minute phone session.)
*Assistance with editing and re-writes.
*Photo selection and review.
*Feedback about specific issues and experiences.
*Site selections and Pros & Cons of the more popular dating sites.
*Overview of online dating basics – how to write intro messages, how to draw more attention to your profile, how to sort your searches so you can see profiles you might be missing.

$45 (Use code BLOG to save $10)

Let Me Write Your Profile For You

$75 – INCLUDES:

*A complete re-write of your self-summary and other profile sections as well as what you are looking for in a partner or date.
*Assistance with editing and re-writes.
*Photo selection and review.
*Feedback about specific issues and experiences.
*Site selections and Pros & Cons of the more popular dating sites.
*Learn how to write better intro messages that will get responses
*Get tips to draw more attention to your profile
*Learn how to sort your searches so you can see profiles you might be missing.

$75 (Use code BLOG to save $10)

Attract Girls Now

Monday, May 19, 2014