And That's Why You're Single |
| Is Your Bottomless Need For Attention Keeping You Single? Posted: 22 May 2014 05:16 AM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Natalie Comment: I started dating this guy 3 weeks ago and from the moment we met, he seems so into me, after a great first date, he asked me out the very next day and continued to ask me out almost every other day. We got really comfortable and close with each other in about 2 weeks, seeing each other regularly. Even though he finishes work really late (Around 10pm) he still wanted to see me, for coffee, movies, etc. He is very warm and affectionate, even when we are out in public he was always holding my hand and even in the car while driving he wanted to hold my hand constantly and kiss it gently. He was always talking about doing things together and indicated many times that he sees us in the long run together. He even took me to his office and seemed so proud to hold my hand in front of his colleagues. On our 7th date, I invited him over to my place, I cooked, served him a romantic dinner and we ended up making love. I wanted to resist, however I had not been with a man in a long time and I really like him a lot. He spent the night with me as well and was very affectionate, always holding me close, hugging me and kissing me. he wanted to see me the next day, I didn’t want to as he was finishing work late and I really needed to get some sleep as I had work the next day. however, I asked him to come over the following day and we had a wonderful night together once again. The next day he didn’t text me, I let it slide as I knew the next 4 days was going to be a very busy time for him at work but I text him the following day, to which he responded immediately and very sweetly. The next day again nothing from him, and yesterday he initiated a text to me “morning babe” and we started texting back and worth, then I asked him if we are still meeting that night as planned, he said he was tired and needed to catch up on his sleep, he said the reason he has been single all this time was because his work schedule was so hectic and from the next few text messages I gathered he was bailing on me. I then asked him to let me know if he didn’t want to see me anymore, his answers were very vague. It’s so confusing, I guess he deserves the player of the century trophy.
Or, as he said, he’s really busy and his job makes it hard for him to maintain a relationship. Once more, I will point out how dangerous it is to get invested and attached to the gestures and attention that gets shown in the early stages of dating. That stuff eventually wanes because people can only stay caught up in the newness of a relationship and avoid the real world for so long. He’s moving out of the honeymoon phase. You’re still entrenched in it. Relationships are always experiencing ebbs and flows. Just because he’s not responding to you in the effusive way you’ve grown accustomed to doesn’t mean he’s a player or that he’s fading. The guy invested, what, 10 dates in you? Is he not allowed to break away from your warm embrace after basking in your love making to, like, work? He probably told you about how his work schedule compromises his ability to have a relationship in order to explain his behavior. You took it as a sign he wanted to bail. That’s about you, not him. Confronting him about it is only going to put him on the defensive and make him start to wonder if maybe you and he are not a good fit. It’s a challenge to date people who don’t work traditional 9 to 5 jobs or who sometimes have to work crazy hours. That’s the main reason why I don’t like dating people in the nightlife, service, or hospitality industry. Their schedules are insane and it’s difficult to find spots where your schedule and theirs sync up. But even people with typical 9 to 5 jobs sometimes have to work extra hours or need alone time. It’s not all puppy dogs and rainbows all the time. You met this guy when he had some down time professionally. He may have even carved time out for you because he liked you. But eventually he was going to have to go back to that place that gives him money every week so he could continue to eat and pay his bills. He gave you a heads up and told you that the next few days were going to be very busy for him. What he was telling you without actually telling you is, “Don’t freak out if you don’t see or hear from me as much.” That was a warning shot. You need to give this a guy a chance to prove he’s not trustworthy before you decide he’s not. He sounds like he’s trying to keep you in the loop and stay in touch. Pressuring him to spend time with you when he’s telling you that he’s exhausted is only going to make you seem self-absorbed and selfish. He’s communicating with you. He’s checking in. Sometimes that’s all we get for a bit. You need to be more patient. Jumping to conclusions and cornering him into having a conversation he doesn’t have the energy to have is a great way to book a one way ticket to Fade Town.
  
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