And That's Why You're Single |
| Dating Red Flag 101: Beware The Oversharer Posted: 21 May 2014 05:32 AM PDT Alias (DO NOT USE A REAL NAME!!): Justin Comment: Having been divorced for a year I recently met a woman online who was in the process of getting divorced. We really connected well online and within a few days she initiated a meeting in person. Meeting face to face was even better and I got to like her instantly. At the first meeting she initiated sex but I somehow couldn’t. It did happen a few days later after a few more meetings. I subsequently discovered that she had come out of a 3 month relationship two weeks before meeting me and had started that relationship 1 month after the previous one had ended. In all cases she initiated sex soon after starting the relationship by inviting her partners to her home. Her last relationship was with a doctor that she received some treatment from and she continued the relationship although he was in another relationship. Her explanation for all of this was that she had a hard marriage and longed for affirmation as a woman. She is really a nice person and I like her but I will never be sure that she feels the same way about me. I think she just needs to be in a relationship all the time. I am not sure what to do.
The concern here isn’t that she always seems to need to be in a relationship. She’s not doing anything terribly atypical or odd by dating multiple guys one right after the other. Plenty of people do it. Nor is the problem that she’s initiating sex. The problem is that she’s telling you all about her history. That’s a big red flag. She’s either consciously or unconsciously sabotaging herself by being do open about her love life. Something is going on with these relationships that is making them end so quickly, and I’m thinking she’s contributing to that outcome by running her mouth so much. I’m sure that coming out of a marriage where she may not have felt desired is very difficult. There’s nothing wrong with her trying to get her groove back. But there feels like there’s more to this than seeking validation. She shouldn’t be unloading all of this stuff on to you. Nor should you be encouraging her or any potential partner to do that. If you’re the type to ask questions about when her last relationship ended, etc, cut that shit out pronto. It simply doesn’t matter, nor is it any of your business. I think your concern that she needs an inordinate or consistent level of attention in order to feel complete is justified. But, again, not because she’s dated a lot, but because she’s revealing to you that she dates a lot. Sometimes people do this as way to keep people at a distance. She’s telling you without explicitly telling you that you shouldn’t get too close. Either they’re not emotionally ready to be intimate in any way other than physical, or they have deeper self-esteem issues. It’s self-sabotage, and many people aren’t even aware that they’re doing it. That’s what concerns me about all of this. I get the feeling she does things to get in her own way, and that sort of behavior can make dating someone like this difficult.
  
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